The Body Lock

I went to my Rosen session today. Wow, I thought I'd come to some place of at least minor acceptance of what has been going on at work but I really didn't realize how much rage I have locked in my body. I really do hold a Body Lock most of my day. I cramp everything I'm feeling down deep and then clamp down on it, emotionally and physically. So that I'm crunching up my shoulders and sucking in my stomach, tightening in. Nothing must leak!

It's almost like being in the military again, no control, ruled by fear, no compassion or empathy from the upper peeps. I swore I'd never be in a situation like that again but yet, here I am. How... well, just how.

I was at a wonder thinking about how my boss just keeps going and going, her furnace just stays lit, she doesn't seem to ever run out of fuel. Then I realized, on the table, that it is our furnaces (furni?) that she is burning out in order to keep hers going. No wonder I (and we, meaning my co-workers as well) are so burnt out, we're sort of stumbling along. But she keeps up with her mad chaotic energy until we all want to scream. So, then I have to figure out how to cut off her link to my furnace so to speak. I think I need to not react, to remove myself from the emotional situation. I'm not really sure what she feeds on, so perhaps for now I should step back and observe. If I can figure out the food source, I can hopefully cut it off. Starve, bitch!! Okay, enough of her.

On a happier note, I got that child internship that I wanted and have to pull together all sorts of paperwork, such as my Live Scan (fingerprints), TB test (hate those things, make up your damn minds, positive or negative), in little time. But SOOO worth it!! I'm really glad to not have to be working with adolescents in jail. Kindergarteners are so cute!