Today was my first day at my new child hours internship. Well, although I observed for a day previously, I still feel it's my first day at school.
The kids are great. And I feel like a total noob. I'm used to working with "regular" adults, severely mentally ill adults, adults in general, no younger than early twenties. And suddenly here I am in a room with little kids who are all over the place and I feel pretty lost.
But I really like it. For now. I'm not going to go all crazy with the liking since I know how these things go. Oh wow, it's great and then blearg!! I hate this, it's driving me crazy, can't stand it!! So I'm reserving judgment. And I'm certainly not saying I want to work with kids until the end of the year!!
On another notes, I am way behind. I'm finishing and posting this on 4/25!!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
The Last Hoorah
I decided that I needed to go on my Sans Wheat "diet" again. I'd say it's less of a diet and more of a lifestyle. I always think of diet as something you do to yourself. Usually not positive. But when I think "lifestyle", it's more as in you can't eat it because you're diabetic or can't eat wheat, that's not a diet, it's just how it is.
So today will be my "Last Horrah" before tomorrow, the Wheat Ends. My last Wheat Day.
The residents were making pasta, garlic bread and chocolate cake today so what a perfect last bang. For beyond that, I have to think about bringing my own food since pasta is made quite a lot at my work.
Alas, les croissants, how I love thee.
So today will be my "Last Horrah" before tomorrow, the Wheat Ends. My last Wheat Day.
The residents were making pasta, garlic bread and chocolate cake today so what a perfect last bang. For beyond that, I have to think about bringing my own food since pasta is made quite a lot at my work.
Alas, les croissants, how I love thee.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Schlumpy
Yeah, schlumpy. I've been a bit schlumpy this weekend. A bit isolative, playing games. Not doing what I need to do. Grumping about. Bah. Schlumpy sucks.
Friday, March 28, 2008
The Body Lock
I went to my Rosen session today. Wow, I thought I'd come to some place of at least minor acceptance of what has been going on at work but I really didn't realize how much rage I have locked in my body. I really do hold a Body Lock most of my day. I cramp everything I'm feeling down deep and then clamp down on it, emotionally and physically. So that I'm crunching up my shoulders and sucking in my stomach, tightening in. Nothing must leak!
It's almost like being in the military again, no control, ruled by fear, no compassion or empathy from the upper peeps. I swore I'd never be in a situation like that again but yet, here I am. How... well, just how.
I was at a wonder thinking about how my boss just keeps going and going, her furnace just stays lit, she doesn't seem to ever run out of fuel. Then I realized, on the table, that it is our furnaces (furni?) that she is burning out in order to keep hers going. No wonder I (and we, meaning my co-workers as well) are so burnt out, we're sort of stumbling along. But she keeps up with her mad chaotic energy until we all want to scream. So, then I have to figure out how to cut off her link to my furnace so to speak. I think I need to not react, to remove myself from the emotional situation. I'm not really sure what she feeds on, so perhaps for now I should step back and observe. If I can figure out the food source, I can hopefully cut it off. Starve, bitch!! Okay, enough of her.
On a happier note, I got that child internship that I wanted and have to pull together all sorts of paperwork, such as my Live Scan (fingerprints), TB test (hate those things, make up your damn minds, positive or negative), in little time. But SOOO worth it!! I'm really glad to not have to be working with adolescents in jail. Kindergarteners are so cute!
It's almost like being in the military again, no control, ruled by fear, no compassion or empathy from the upper peeps. I swore I'd never be in a situation like that again but yet, here I am. How... well, just how.
I was at a wonder thinking about how my boss just keeps going and going, her furnace just stays lit, she doesn't seem to ever run out of fuel. Then I realized, on the table, that it is our furnaces (furni?) that she is burning out in order to keep hers going. No wonder I (and we, meaning my co-workers as well) are so burnt out, we're sort of stumbling along. But she keeps up with her mad chaotic energy until we all want to scream. So, then I have to figure out how to cut off her link to my furnace so to speak. I think I need to not react, to remove myself from the emotional situation. I'm not really sure what she feeds on, so perhaps for now I should step back and observe. If I can figure out the food source, I can hopefully cut it off. Starve, bitch!! Okay, enough of her.
On a happier note, I got that child internship that I wanted and have to pull together all sorts of paperwork, such as my Live Scan (fingerprints), TB test (hate those things, make up your damn minds, positive or negative), in little time. But SOOO worth it!! I'm really glad to not have to be working with adolescents in jail. Kindergarteners are so cute!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Long Ass Day
It was a long and crazy day:
1. It was really damn busy. Non-stop paperwork, non-stop phones with three people in the office answering them. Chaotic whirlwind energy.
2. I was really damn tired and this was not helping dealing with all this craziness.
3. My boss is a crappy bitch.
1. It was really damn busy. Non-stop paperwork, non-stop phones with three people in the office answering them. Chaotic whirlwind energy.
2. I was really damn tired and this was not helping dealing with all this craziness.
3. My boss is a crappy bitch.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
YMCA Orientation, Part 2
I was feeling really pissy at work today, at the staff meeting. Things are going from bad to worse and Camille doesn't really seem to be doing anything about it. I'm tired of the crap. I don't want to be in the military again. I swore I'd never put myself into that situation again. Yet, here I am...
After the travesty that has become work, I went to my YMCA Orientation, Part 2. In that I learned how to do some Core strengthening exercises, mostly on the mat, rather hard on the abdominals! Some Strengthening exercise on some of the weight machines, fairly easy for me. And some Flexibility exercises, which weren't terribly difficult but do make me a little sore. The whole routine was fairly simple and "easy" and seems like something I should be able to keep up with. I decided to do a three-pack of personal training sessions. Just to get started on my journey. I will continue to Antelope, of course, for my cardio.
Then for the rest of the day, which was my usual Wednesday, I played WoW and poked around at organizing my desk. Wednesday is sort of my "do nothing or whatever I want day". But as I was sitting at my desk and typing away, I noticed my hands were hurting quite a bit, in the upper and second joint of the first finger of my left hand. The other fingers were hurting somewhat but with that one, felt like stabs of pulsing pain from and down my finger. Dang, very annoying and I started getting all freaked out, worrying that I was getting some kind of carpal tunnel although my wrists always hurt so that was probably silly. I think my hands were just too cold. And I couldn't wear my wrist braces because it put my wrist level with my mouse and my keyboard off kilter. Maybe I'll invest in some slim gloves and cut just the finger tippies off.
Sigh, getting older.... Hell, my body has been "old" all my life.
After the travesty that has become work, I went to my YMCA Orientation, Part 2. In that I learned how to do some Core strengthening exercises, mostly on the mat, rather hard on the abdominals! Some Strengthening exercise on some of the weight machines, fairly easy for me. And some Flexibility exercises, which weren't terribly difficult but do make me a little sore. The whole routine was fairly simple and "easy" and seems like something I should be able to keep up with. I decided to do a three-pack of personal training sessions. Just to get started on my journey. I will continue to Antelope, of course, for my cardio.
Then for the rest of the day, which was my usual Wednesday, I played WoW and poked around at organizing my desk. Wednesday is sort of my "do nothing or whatever I want day". But as I was sitting at my desk and typing away, I noticed my hands were hurting quite a bit, in the upper and second joint of the first finger of my left hand. The other fingers were hurting somewhat but with that one, felt like stabs of pulsing pain from and down my finger. Dang, very annoying and I started getting all freaked out, worrying that I was getting some kind of carpal tunnel although my wrists always hurt so that was probably silly. I think my hands were just too cold. And I couldn't wear my wrist braces because it put my wrist level with my mouse and my keyboard off kilter. Maybe I'll invest in some slim gloves and cut just the finger tippies off.
Sigh, getting older.... Hell, my body has been "old" all my life.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Lord of the Rings Online
So, one of my good friends from WoW (World of Warcraft), an Aussie... we won't hold that against him, got fed up with the game and left to go try Lord of the Rings Online, based on, gee, can you guess? I decided to try it as well. I tried EverQuest2, why not. Going to try StarGate Words when it comes out. But ultimately decided against making LotR another addiction.
Here's some reasons why. And maybe it's just because it's hard to switch from something you are familiar with.
1. It's too beautiful. - I know this might seem funny but the more realistic a game, the more I get sucked in and the harder it is to come out of it. People who play and like LotR say WoW is too "cartoony". But that is why I like WoW. Easier to get out of when getting lost in it.
2. The crafting is very expensive. - Not to say that WoW crafting (making in-game items for use or sale in-game) isn't a time hog, that you have to go collect crazy amounts of stuff, but it seemed to be very monetarily expensive in LotR. And if you wanted certain materials (mats) to use, you had to ask another player who could collect those particular mats. Meaning, you actually had to socialize, and of course, pay for said mats. I know these games are set up to try and get you to socialize, but sometimes you just don't want to. But it also plays into my next beef with the game.
3. The mail system sucks. - The mail system really does suck. It is hugely expensive to send one item and it costs more the more it weighs. More realistic, but please. Because what ends up happening is that you make more than one character so that you have all the crafting professions. And then of course, you have to send items back and forth to other characters of yours that need the particular crafting mats. And you can only send one item or one stack at a time. Very annoying. Mail, no matter the weight, costs 30 copper in WoW. For one item but you can send a ton of items all at once to someone. Very nice and doesn't break the bank. Plus you can send your other alts (other characters) the needed mats for professions without running to zero money.
4. Driving your "toon", your graphic representation of your character around is like driving a Pinto. - For some reason, negotiating movement in LotR is like trying to drive a lumbersome car around. Either the mouse is too sensitive or something just isn't gelled correctly with the "I move my mouse this way, the character moves or looks this way" interface. So I always felt like the world was spinning around me and I was always getting the "You must face your target." when attacking something. Extremely annoying. Another annoying part of movement was when I tried to pick up something, I constantly got the "You are too far away." message even though it seemed I was near enough. WoW feels very smooth in both these aspects.
5. When you die you have to work your way back through. - To me, this is the most egregious aspect of the game. In WoW, when you die, you become a ghost at the nearest graveyard and you have to run back to corpse and "resurrect" there. There is a pretty broad range from your corpse to where you can't "rez" anymore, too far. So you can get close, see if there is anything to attack you, get to a safer spot and then pop, you're alive again. In LotR, you die and arise, whole and alive (with a "debuff" of badness, taking off stamina and such) at a nearby graveyard. And guess what. You have to fight your way back into where you were. You might have already taken an hour to get to that spot. Well, the respawn rate (meaning how fast things pop back up after you kill it) is terribly fast in LotR, so you can be sure everything you killed is alive again and in your way of your objective (that you previously spent an hour trying to get to). So, you have to kill everything again in your path. I think that was the biggest deal breaker to me. I don't have enough time, thank you.
So, I'm sticking with WoW for now. When StarGate Worlds comes out in the fall, I will check it out as I am a big fan of the movie and show. We'll see if it can knock WoW out of the water.
Here's some reasons why. And maybe it's just because it's hard to switch from something you are familiar with.
1. It's too beautiful. - I know this might seem funny but the more realistic a game, the more I get sucked in and the harder it is to come out of it. People who play and like LotR say WoW is too "cartoony". But that is why I like WoW. Easier to get out of when getting lost in it.
2. The crafting is very expensive. - Not to say that WoW crafting (making in-game items for use or sale in-game) isn't a time hog, that you have to go collect crazy amounts of stuff, but it seemed to be very monetarily expensive in LotR. And if you wanted certain materials (mats) to use, you had to ask another player who could collect those particular mats. Meaning, you actually had to socialize, and of course, pay for said mats. I know these games are set up to try and get you to socialize, but sometimes you just don't want to. But it also plays into my next beef with the game.
3. The mail system sucks. - The mail system really does suck. It is hugely expensive to send one item and it costs more the more it weighs. More realistic, but please. Because what ends up happening is that you make more than one character so that you have all the crafting professions. And then of course, you have to send items back and forth to other characters of yours that need the particular crafting mats. And you can only send one item or one stack at a time. Very annoying. Mail, no matter the weight, costs 30 copper in WoW. For one item but you can send a ton of items all at once to someone. Very nice and doesn't break the bank. Plus you can send your other alts (other characters) the needed mats for professions without running to zero money.
4. Driving your "toon", your graphic representation of your character around is like driving a Pinto. - For some reason, negotiating movement in LotR is like trying to drive a lumbersome car around. Either the mouse is too sensitive or something just isn't gelled correctly with the "I move my mouse this way, the character moves or looks this way" interface. So I always felt like the world was spinning around me and I was always getting the "You must face your target." when attacking something. Extremely annoying. Another annoying part of movement was when I tried to pick up something, I constantly got the "You are too far away." message even though it seemed I was near enough. WoW feels very smooth in both these aspects.
5. When you die you have to work your way back through. - To me, this is the most egregious aspect of the game. In WoW, when you die, you become a ghost at the nearest graveyard and you have to run back to corpse and "resurrect" there. There is a pretty broad range from your corpse to where you can't "rez" anymore, too far. So you can get close, see if there is anything to attack you, get to a safer spot and then pop, you're alive again. In LotR, you die and arise, whole and alive (with a "debuff" of badness, taking off stamina and such) at a nearby graveyard. And guess what. You have to fight your way back into where you were. You might have already taken an hour to get to that spot. Well, the respawn rate (meaning how fast things pop back up after you kill it) is terribly fast in LotR, so you can be sure everything you killed is alive again and in your way of your objective (that you previously spent an hour trying to get to). So, you have to kill everything again in your path. I think that was the biggest deal breaker to me. I don't have enough time, thank you.
So, I'm sticking with WoW for now. When StarGate Worlds comes out in the fall, I will check it out as I am a big fan of the movie and show. We'll see if it can knock WoW out of the water.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Falling Behind
Ack! I'm falling behind! This is actually being written on April 4th. A post a chronological day, remember, not the actual day. I'm a little behind in my French class too. I dropped the Astronomy class, bah.
Feeling sort of weirdly busy without the actual stuff to be busy about. But I am hopefully about to get busier. Still waiting to hear on the kid internship at the little school. Big school. Whatever.
Must.... write....
Feeling sort of weirdly busy without the actual stuff to be busy about. But I am hopefully about to get busier. Still waiting to hear on the kid internship at the little school. Big school. Whatever.
Must.... write....
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Eddie Izzard Does Star Wars
So, even though I knew the name and heard him in Across the Universe, I still didn't really know who he was. Gieve, my ex-roommate and Man of Honor at my wedding, showed this cute video from YouTube of a Lego interpretation of one of Eddie Izzard's stand-up skits.
Very funny! "Oh, I did not realize the food is hot!!"
Here is the Wiki (as you know how I love it) entry on Eddie Izzard. There's a "normal" photo there, and I have to say, I think I like him better in his dress and make-up, which you can see here in this little clip from his Dressed to Kill stand-up appearance. Apparently, Izzard is bilingual and can speak French quite well. He did a show in France, completely in French, called Dressed to Circle, which you can find, in like seven parts, on youtube.com.
If you don't speak French, you might be a little lost, but it's still funny and you can see his basic style. He can be pretty dry sometimes, go figure, he's British influenced by Monty Python. Pretty nice legs for a guy too...
Very funny! "Oh, I did not realize the food is hot!!"
Here is the Wiki (as you know how I love it) entry on Eddie Izzard. There's a "normal" photo there, and I have to say, I think I like him better in his dress and make-up, which you can see here in this little clip from his Dressed to Kill stand-up appearance. Apparently, Izzard is bilingual and can speak French quite well. He did a show in France, completely in French, called Dressed to Circle, which you can find, in like seven parts, on youtube.com.
If you don't speak French, you might be a little lost, but it's still funny and you can see his basic style. He can be pretty dry sometimes, go figure, he's British influenced by Monty Python. Pretty nice legs for a guy too...
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Eddie Izzard
So recently I was introduced to the comedian Eddie Izzard. I had heard the name before and then he was also in Across the Universe doing the Beatles song, Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite!:
Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite - The Beatles
For the benefit of Mr. Kite
There will be a show tonight on trampoline
The Hendersons will all be there
Late of Pablo-Fanques Fair, what a scene
Over men and horses hoops and garters
Lastly through a hogshead of real fire!
In this way Mr. K. will challenge the world!
The celebrated Mr. K.
Performs his feat on Saturday at Bishopsgate
The Hendersons will dance and sing
As Mr. Kite flies through the ring don't be late
Messrs. K and H. assure the public
Their production will be second to none
And of course Henry The Horse dances the waltz!
The band begins at ten to six
When Mr. K. performs his tricks without a sound
And Mr. H. will demonstrate
Ten somersaults he'll undertake on solid ground
Having been some days in preparation
A splendid time is guaranteed for all
And tonight Mr. Kite is topping the bill.
Very strange. And apparently the lyrics have been changed a bit for the rendition in the movie.
From the movie Across the Universe.
So apparently Eddie Izzard is a British Transvestite stand-up comedian. Yes, a rather strange combination. More on him in the next post.
Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite - The Beatles
For the benefit of Mr. Kite
There will be a show tonight on trampoline
The Hendersons will all be there
Late of Pablo-Fanques Fair, what a scene
Over men and horses hoops and garters
Lastly through a hogshead of real fire!
In this way Mr. K. will challenge the world!
The celebrated Mr. K.
Performs his feat on Saturday at Bishopsgate
The Hendersons will dance and sing
As Mr. Kite flies through the ring don't be late
Messrs. K and H. assure the public
Their production will be second to none
And of course Henry The Horse dances the waltz!
The band begins at ten to six
When Mr. K. performs his tricks without a sound
And Mr. H. will demonstrate
Ten somersaults he'll undertake on solid ground
Having been some days in preparation
A splendid time is guaranteed for all
And tonight Mr. Kite is topping the bill.
Very strange. And apparently the lyrics have been changed a bit for the rendition in the movie.
From the movie Across the Universe.
So apparently Eddie Izzard is a British Transvestite stand-up comedian. Yes, a rather strange combination. More on him in the next post.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Jammin'
Gieve, my former roommate, came by today to have dinner and jam with Marty. Marty is a drummer, if I haven't mentioned before. A pretty good one, if I might say. He would benefit from loosening up in the shoulders a little bit but he can keep some pretty complex rhythms for a lengthy time. And Gieve is an awesome self-taught guitarist.
Put them together and you get an awesome jam session. Seriously. They seem to have an intuitive sense of each other as they did not set up what they were going to play ahead of time; one would just pick up a rift or a beat, the other would follow. Very cool.
There wasn't much I could do, because I don't really play an instrument. Little bit of the dijeridu, tiny bit of guitar. But I love to sing. But I generally can't improv in singing, I have to know lyrics and the music of the song in order to sing. I'd only make a good band singer if I knew the songs backwards and forwards. So I just sat there until finally picking up the bass guitar Marty bought a while ago and sat poking at strings here and there until Gieve showed me a few rifts on it and I plunked happily away, enjoying the synergy of the whole night.
A repeat must.
Put them together and you get an awesome jam session. Seriously. They seem to have an intuitive sense of each other as they did not set up what they were going to play ahead of time; one would just pick up a rift or a beat, the other would follow. Very cool.
There wasn't much I could do, because I don't really play an instrument. Little bit of the dijeridu, tiny bit of guitar. But I love to sing. But I generally can't improv in singing, I have to know lyrics and the music of the song in order to sing. I'd only make a good band singer if I knew the songs backwards and forwards. So I just sat there until finally picking up the bass guitar Marty bought a while ago and sat poking at strings here and there until Gieve showed me a few rifts on it and I plunked happily away, enjoying the synergy of the whole night.
A repeat must.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Happiness Is a Warm Gun
Woke up with a song from Across the Universe going through my head... over and over... I always believe these types of moments are significant in someway, like dreams.
Happiness Is a Warm Gun - The Beatles as sung by Joe Anderson with Salma Hayek
She's not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do- oh yeah
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the multi-colored mirrors
On his hobnail boots
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
Working overtime
A soap impression of his wife which he ate
And donated to the National Trust
I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Happiness is a warm gun
( bang bang shoot shoot )
Happiness is a warm gun, yes it is
(bang bang shoot shoot)
When I hold you in my arms (oh yes)
When I feel my finger on your trigger (oh yes)
Don't ya know that nobody can do me no harm
Because happiness is a warm gun, momma
Happiness is a warm gun
-Yes it is.
Happiness is a warm, yes it is...
Gun!
Well don't ya know that happiness is a warm gun, momma? (yeah)
I have a vague sense of possible meanings, but not enough to go into at depth, or even at surface at this point.
Happiness Is a Warm Gun - The Beatles as sung by Joe Anderson with Salma Hayek
She's not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do- oh yeah
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the multi-colored mirrors
On his hobnail boots
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
Working overtime
A soap impression of his wife which he ate
And donated to the National Trust
I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Mother Superior jumped the gun
Happiness is a warm gun
( bang bang shoot shoot )
Happiness is a warm gun, yes it is
(bang bang shoot shoot)
When I hold you in my arms (oh yes)
When I feel my finger on your trigger (oh yes)
Don't ya know that nobody can do me no harm
Because happiness is a warm gun, momma
Happiness is a warm gun
-Yes it is.
Happiness is a warm, yes it is...
Gun!
Well don't ya know that happiness is a warm gun, momma? (yeah)
I have a vague sense of possible meanings, but not enough to go into at depth, or even at surface at this point.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
YMCA Orientation
Today I went to the "newbie" orientation at the YMCA even though I'd been going for days before. Although I had fallen out of going somewhat. Well, a lot.
I met with a perky, well-formed fitness coach (Leah Anne) and her coach-in-training, a young man named Herb. Forms, questions, a "fat" composition testing or some such, a posture assessment, Anteloping on the Anteloper for bit.
We didn't have enough time for the whole thing so they rescheduled for another day to finish up. I got a few tips to work on until next time, such as keeping my target heart rate between 125 and 145, keeping my head back since apparently I thrust my chin forwards, making my head look out of alignment with the rest of my body.
Pigeon head, I guess. At least I don't bob my head forwards and back like one when I walk.
I met with a perky, well-formed fitness coach (Leah Anne) and her coach-in-training, a young man named Herb. Forms, questions, a "fat" composition testing or some such, a posture assessment, Anteloping on the Anteloper for bit.
We didn't have enough time for the whole thing so they rescheduled for another day to finish up. I got a few tips to work on until next time, such as keeping my target heart rate between 125 and 145, keeping my head back since apparently I thrust my chin forwards, making my head look out of alignment with the rest of my body.
Pigeon head, I guess. At least I don't bob my head forwards and back like one when I walk.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Kids Everywhere!!
I spent most of the day at an elementary school. I was there because I was observing (and being observed) for a possible child internship. I am very much hoping I get it because it is exactly what I am wanting. Working with little kids, kindergarten and up, limit 8th grade, 14 years old. Regular kids, sans SED (Severely Emotionally Disturbed).
Then I went to sit for little Benjamin, aka The Boy or Babykins. James and Robin's nine month old son. I got a mini-Baby Bootcamp from James, explaining various Baby Skills needed. Benjamin and I played a little bit and then I ate some dinner with James and Robin before they left for their concert, convincing Babykins that he did indeed want to want to eat AND swallow those tiny bits of solid chicken. I mean, hey, if you don't, you're going back to the canned mashed baby carrots and do you REALLY want that? Then they put him to bed and headed out after he went to sleep.
He was fine, with a few small wails, until around 9pm when he started crying. His parents had told me this might happen and not go up right away to see if he would settle back to sleep. I gave him 10 minutes and wow, I don't have much maternal instinct, I would even go as far as to say that babies crying makes me quite irritable, but boy, I discovered just how that cry was designed to grab your instincts and shake them about.
Maybe it's the fact that I was responsible for his well-being. Usually when a baby is crying, I want it to stop. And I mean now. It's merely irritating and frustrating. I don't get the feeling of anxiety or wanting to go comfort or anything like that. I just want it to go away immediately. It's someone else's baby. But tonight, I am the parent, so to speak. I am the caregiver, even if temporary. Plus James and Robin are friends, so I am extra indebted, not just to care for a being incapable of caring for himself but providing love and support beyond the physical care of safety, because that's what they do and I care for them, and through them, him. I think this explanation is coming out more callous than the reality.
Besides, I'm Auntie Heather, which Robin called me when I popped by to pick up their rug, now living in our house. I was so very charmed by that. I may not have my own children (and won't) but it has been an amazing enough opportunity to see Benjamin grow up. I held him only several hours after he was born and though sick for the first two months of his life (and thus banned from his presence), I've seen him at least a few times a month since. Wow, it's like someone attaches rockets to the growth hormones or something.
So there is just more than "babysitting" for me in this situation. And when he started crying, and I knew I just had to sit there and wait to see, well, the hair on the back of my neck started tingling, my shoulders went up to my ears and I really wanted to go up those stairs. The draw was so strong at one point I had to sit on my hands, all hunched up. I was so anxious. It was as if something was reaching inside with a large sign blinking on and off in my head, demanding, "DO SOMETHING!"
I think that was the longest seven minutes I've experienced in a long while. But I weathered it and he did go back to sleep and neither of us were worse for the wear.
I offered to pimp myself out to James and Robin when needed, my nights are usually free (except Thursday but Marty is off and able). Maybe because I am not going to have kids, I want to be a part of his life more.
And besides, I'm Auntie Heather!!
Then I went to sit for little Benjamin, aka The Boy or Babykins. James and Robin's nine month old son. I got a mini-Baby Bootcamp from James, explaining various Baby Skills needed. Benjamin and I played a little bit and then I ate some dinner with James and Robin before they left for their concert, convincing Babykins that he did indeed want to want to eat AND swallow those tiny bits of solid chicken. I mean, hey, if you don't, you're going back to the canned mashed baby carrots and do you REALLY want that? Then they put him to bed and headed out after he went to sleep.
He was fine, with a few small wails, until around 9pm when he started crying. His parents had told me this might happen and not go up right away to see if he would settle back to sleep. I gave him 10 minutes and wow, I don't have much maternal instinct, I would even go as far as to say that babies crying makes me quite irritable, but boy, I discovered just how that cry was designed to grab your instincts and shake them about.
Maybe it's the fact that I was responsible for his well-being. Usually when a baby is crying, I want it to stop. And I mean now. It's merely irritating and frustrating. I don't get the feeling of anxiety or wanting to go comfort or anything like that. I just want it to go away immediately. It's someone else's baby. But tonight, I am the parent, so to speak. I am the caregiver, even if temporary. Plus James and Robin are friends, so I am extra indebted, not just to care for a being incapable of caring for himself but providing love and support beyond the physical care of safety, because that's what they do and I care for them, and through them, him. I think this explanation is coming out more callous than the reality.
Besides, I'm Auntie Heather, which Robin called me when I popped by to pick up their rug, now living in our house. I was so very charmed by that. I may not have my own children (and won't) but it has been an amazing enough opportunity to see Benjamin grow up. I held him only several hours after he was born and though sick for the first two months of his life (and thus banned from his presence), I've seen him at least a few times a month since. Wow, it's like someone attaches rockets to the growth hormones or something.
So there is just more than "babysitting" for me in this situation. And when he started crying, and I knew I just had to sit there and wait to see, well, the hair on the back of my neck started tingling, my shoulders went up to my ears and I really wanted to go up those stairs. The draw was so strong at one point I had to sit on my hands, all hunched up. I was so anxious. It was as if something was reaching inside with a large sign blinking on and off in my head, demanding, "DO SOMETHING!"
I think that was the longest seven minutes I've experienced in a long while. But I weathered it and he did go back to sleep and neither of us were worse for the wear.
I offered to pimp myself out to James and Robin when needed, my nights are usually free (except Thursday but Marty is off and able). Maybe because I am not going to have kids, I want to be a part of his life more.
And besides, I'm Auntie Heather!!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Monday
Just a regular Monday.
Called a potential kid internship.
I couldn't find anything witty to say, show or share. The Three Ss.
Called a potential kid internship.
I couldn't find anything witty to say, show or share. The Three Ss.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
What's In a Photographer?
Well, you know the saying "What's in a photograph?". And there are many things in a photograph that one can examine. The skill/knowledge is called visual literacy and it basically is looking at the various layers of a photograph: the physical (the facts of the photo - it's a boy holding a red balloon, etc), the social, political, economic, etc, etc, so many different layers, and of course, the photographer's particular bent in life.
So, what's in a photographer? Because, really, you can engage in all the visual literacy mumbo jumbo that you want and it still comes down to who depresses the shutter button and when. It's what Henri Cartier-Bresson (considered somewhat the "father" of modern photography and definitely the father of candid photography) called "The Decisive Moment". From Wiki, - ""Photography is not like painting," Cartier-Bresson told the Washington Post in 1957. "There is a creative fraction of a second when you are taking a picture. Your eye must see a composition or an expression that life itself offers you, and you must know with intuition when to click the camera. That is the moment the photographer is creative," he said.""
It is the photographer who decides this moment and it is really, in my eyes, everything in photography. And through this, our perceptions can be "altered". I'll give you an example that has struck me so clearly about this moment in the media.
Hillary Clinton. Here's a woman whose face has been all over the media considering the current events of the country. Plenty of opportunities to snap her mug. I guess I didn't really notice this trend at first until the "crying incident" and a photo came out on Newsweek of her after that. Ah-ha. It became clear to me just how much the photographer (well, and the editor of said media) is responsible for manipulating what we take in. And mind you, I am neither making a case for her nor rejecting her, just using her as an example.
In the photos leading up to the "crying incident", Clinton was portrayed in a pretty awful light. And I don't mean just the lighting for photos. I mean everything you can possibly do to make a bad photo of someone. In fact, someone put together a site of "bad" Clinton photos. I gather they are not fond of her. Interesting enough, the site is called "The Really Truly Hillary Gallery", which I think is laughable, because it points to that concept we carry around Looks = Personality/Character.
Take this photo of Clinton running into a long time
friend she has not seen in some time. She looks like she is going to consume her friend or is in some kind of fit of rage. Or who knows what. But I imagine that was not the first thing on her mind, to cause some destruction to her friend. Well, maybe if her friend was not so much of a friend and they had fallen out or some such. But from what I gathered, this friend was a good friend and Clinton was surprised and happy to see her. If you didn't have the caption that went along with this photo, what would you think of Clinton? I'm pretty sure you would not be thinking very positive thoughts about her and you'd be making some assumptions about the events of the photo. Framing, lighting, that decisive moment the shutter closed and opened... all of these controlled by the photographer. What if that photographer had chosen different framing, catching Clinton's smile after the gasp of surprise, or maybe included the friend's expression in some fashion. Different again. And, I will lay some blame on the editors of the media world as well because the photographer's next photo could have been her smile after the gasp but who ultimately chooses which photo is disseminated?
Then, the "crying incident" occurred. Yes, I say this with a bit of sarcasm. I really believe it got
blown out of proportion by the media. But again, something happened. Before, awful photos. Almost immediately afterwards, this cover of Newsweek showed up. My, what a difference, eh? She is portrayed quite differently, looking out into the distance with a soft gaze and smile, well made up, good lighting, complementary pose. All because she got a little choked up and showed a "less cold" side of herself. And the media began portraying her in a different light. And suddenly there was a shift of public opinion as well. "Oh, Hillary" (rather than the previous referral as Clinton by most), "She's so human and feminine!", whatever and etc. It didn't really change who she might actually BE, did it. She still could be an axe murderer. I am not sure if she sat for this photo, meaning came in and sat down for an actual portrait session or if it is pulled out from some other instance and the background edited out. But I think it was one of the first very complimentary photos I'd really seen of her. Interesting, no?
Then, the major primary elections across most of the nation rolled through and Obama (whom I have rarely seen portrayed badly, interestingly enough, and now I wonder if this might not be a gender thing, a race thing or just a favoritism), began to take a lead in the race. This photo showed up, of Clinton giving a campaign talk at a high school, in their gym, I do believe. At this point, I was "on to them" as it were and I think I laughed out loud at the obvious absurdity of the framing. The photo of her ain't so hot either, bad lighting, bad angle, etc. Although I suppose I have to give some leeway because I imagine these situations are not conducive to the best lighting set ups. But still. There is some control the photographer has.
The photographer (and the editors) have a responsibility (in my eyes), to take note of their own "stuff" so that it does not leak into the Decisive Moment, to take photos as objectively as possible. I also believe, perhaps less so, that the viewer has a responsibility to moderate his/herself as well, to not lay upon the projected media various assumptions.
You know what they say about Assume, right. You make an Ass out of U and Me.
So, what's in a photographer? Because, really, you can engage in all the visual literacy mumbo jumbo that you want and it still comes down to who depresses the shutter button and when. It's what Henri Cartier-Bresson (considered somewhat the "father" of modern photography and definitely the father of candid photography) called "The Decisive Moment". From Wiki, - ""Photography is not like painting," Cartier-Bresson told the Washington Post in 1957. "There is a creative fraction of a second when you are taking a picture. Your eye must see a composition or an expression that life itself offers you, and you must know with intuition when to click the camera. That is the moment the photographer is creative," he said.""
It is the photographer who decides this moment and it is really, in my eyes, everything in photography. And through this, our perceptions can be "altered". I'll give you an example that has struck me so clearly about this moment in the media.
Hillary Clinton. Here's a woman whose face has been all over the media considering the current events of the country. Plenty of opportunities to snap her mug. I guess I didn't really notice this trend at first until the "crying incident" and a photo came out on Newsweek of her after that. Ah-ha. It became clear to me just how much the photographer (well, and the editor of said media) is responsible for manipulating what we take in. And mind you, I am neither making a case for her nor rejecting her, just using her as an example.
In the photos leading up to the "crying incident", Clinton was portrayed in a pretty awful light. And I don't mean just the lighting for photos. I mean everything you can possibly do to make a bad photo of someone. In fact, someone put together a site of "bad" Clinton photos. I gather they are not fond of her. Interesting enough, the site is called "The Really Truly Hillary Gallery", which I think is laughable, because it points to that concept we carry around Looks = Personality/Character.
Take this photo of Clinton running into a long time
friend she has not seen in some time. She looks like she is going to consume her friend or is in some kind of fit of rage. Or who knows what. But I imagine that was not the first thing on her mind, to cause some destruction to her friend. Well, maybe if her friend was not so much of a friend and they had fallen out or some such. But from what I gathered, this friend was a good friend and Clinton was surprised and happy to see her. If you didn't have the caption that went along with this photo, what would you think of Clinton? I'm pretty sure you would not be thinking very positive thoughts about her and you'd be making some assumptions about the events of the photo. Framing, lighting, that decisive moment the shutter closed and opened... all of these controlled by the photographer. What if that photographer had chosen different framing, catching Clinton's smile after the gasp of surprise, or maybe included the friend's expression in some fashion. Different again. And, I will lay some blame on the editors of the media world as well because the photographer's next photo could have been her smile after the gasp but who ultimately chooses which photo is disseminated?Then, the "crying incident" occurred. Yes, I say this with a bit of sarcasm. I really believe it got
blown out of proportion by the media. But again, something happened. Before, awful photos. Almost immediately afterwards, this cover of Newsweek showed up. My, what a difference, eh? She is portrayed quite differently, looking out into the distance with a soft gaze and smile, well made up, good lighting, complementary pose. All because she got a little choked up and showed a "less cold" side of herself. And the media began portraying her in a different light. And suddenly there was a shift of public opinion as well. "Oh, Hillary" (rather than the previous referral as Clinton by most), "She's so human and feminine!", whatever and etc. It didn't really change who she might actually BE, did it. She still could be an axe murderer. I am not sure if she sat for this photo, meaning came in and sat down for an actual portrait session or if it is pulled out from some other instance and the background edited out. But I think it was one of the first very complimentary photos I'd really seen of her. Interesting, no?
Then, the major primary elections across most of the nation rolled through and Obama (whom I have rarely seen portrayed badly, interestingly enough, and now I wonder if this might not be a gender thing, a race thing or just a favoritism), began to take a lead in the race. This photo showed up, of Clinton giving a campaign talk at a high school, in their gym, I do believe. At this point, I was "on to them" as it were and I think I laughed out loud at the obvious absurdity of the framing. The photo of her ain't so hot either, bad lighting, bad angle, etc. Although I suppose I have to give some leeway because I imagine these situations are not conducive to the best lighting set ups. But still. There is some control the photographer has.The photographer (and the editors) have a responsibility (in my eyes), to take note of their own "stuff" so that it does not leak into the Decisive Moment, to take photos as objectively as possible. I also believe, perhaps less so, that the viewer has a responsibility to moderate his/herself as well, to not lay upon the projected media various assumptions.
You know what they say about Assume, right. You make an Ass out of U and Me.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Chocolate!!
After passing the chocolate factory on my way up from supervision, and in my research looking for the proper factory online, I found that Scharfen Berger (a damn good dark chocolate maker) offers public tours of their factory for free. So I set one up and Marty and I went today.
They have a tiny little factory. Well, tiny in comparison, I'll bet, to Hershey's or the like. But they put out 2.4 million pounds of chocolate a year. Wow. Actually, speaking of Hershey's, they bought Scharfen Berger but did not attach their name to it and let Scharfen Berger retain the way they make their chocolate. Our tour guide said it this way, "Folks who eat Scharfen Berger's chocolate are probably doing so because they don't want to eat Hershey's." And she's right. I haven't had a dark chocolate from any major chocolate company that I liked. And I'm not counting folks like Ghiradelli and the like as a major company although I guess they might count as being that big.
We learned all about the cacao tree and where and how it grows. I learned quite a bit that I didn't know about chocolate. We got to taste samples, which is always a good thing. She was describing their bars has having certain flavors to the bean and at first Marty and I thought that meant they added flavor into the chocolate but then she explained further. Apparently inside the big pod where all the cacao beans are, they are covered with a gooey fruit like substance. This fruit can be eaten but in chocolate making, the entire bean, fruit and all, are packed into bins to ferment. The fruit itself has these different flavors that she was talking about: berry, plum, wine, etc, and I assume she means "like" these not that they are so strong in these flavors. When fermenting, the flavors enter into the bean and thusly into the chocolate. Okay, that's pretty cool. And you could taste some vague flavors beyond "chocolate".
I love dark chocolate. Milk chocolate is a sin upon chocolate and never should have been invented. Bleh. Oh and let's not even talk about white chocolate which will ensure the creator's place in hell. Dark chocolate is what sweet chocolate should taste like... chocolate. None of this milk or extra cocoa butter bullshit added in.
We then ate at the little cafe but didn't have desert surprisingly enough. I think the samples were enough since it's so rich. And then off to home.
And then when I got home, Marty helped me take the adopted chair from work out of the back of the truck and into the house and while I pushing the thing into my room (it was on wheels, so really I don't know what happened), something tweaked in my hip and I was on the floor later in the night just crying. Wow, it really hurt. But then eventually calmed down but was still sore.
I would like to mail order a new body, please?
They have a tiny little factory. Well, tiny in comparison, I'll bet, to Hershey's or the like. But they put out 2.4 million pounds of chocolate a year. Wow. Actually, speaking of Hershey's, they bought Scharfen Berger but did not attach their name to it and let Scharfen Berger retain the way they make their chocolate. Our tour guide said it this way, "Folks who eat Scharfen Berger's chocolate are probably doing so because they don't want to eat Hershey's." And she's right. I haven't had a dark chocolate from any major chocolate company that I liked. And I'm not counting folks like Ghiradelli and the like as a major company although I guess they might count as being that big.
We learned all about the cacao tree and where and how it grows. I learned quite a bit that I didn't know about chocolate. We got to taste samples, which is always a good thing. She was describing their bars has having certain flavors to the bean and at first Marty and I thought that meant they added flavor into the chocolate but then she explained further. Apparently inside the big pod where all the cacao beans are, they are covered with a gooey fruit like substance. This fruit can be eaten but in chocolate making, the entire bean, fruit and all, are packed into bins to ferment. The fruit itself has these different flavors that she was talking about: berry, plum, wine, etc, and I assume she means "like" these not that they are so strong in these flavors. When fermenting, the flavors enter into the bean and thusly into the chocolate. Okay, that's pretty cool. And you could taste some vague flavors beyond "chocolate".
I love dark chocolate. Milk chocolate is a sin upon chocolate and never should have been invented. Bleh. Oh and let's not even talk about white chocolate which will ensure the creator's place in hell. Dark chocolate is what sweet chocolate should taste like... chocolate. None of this milk or extra cocoa butter bullshit added in.
We then ate at the little cafe but didn't have desert surprisingly enough. I think the samples were enough since it's so rich. And then off to home.
And then when I got home, Marty helped me take the adopted chair from work out of the back of the truck and into the house and while I pushing the thing into my room (it was on wheels, so really I don't know what happened), something tweaked in my hip and I was on the floor later in the night just crying. Wow, it really hurt. But then eventually calmed down but was still sore.
I would like to mail order a new body, please?
Friday, March 14, 2008
Sociality
I had a busy and social day today.
First was my Rosen session and all sorts of things are on the rise. With my hip still hurting, a lot of the focus was there and the pelvic region. It seems like that whole area is like cement sometimes. But my hip shifted a little bit at the end of the session so I was at least a little happy.
Then it was off to have lunch with Pam, a friend of Marty's from long ago in his "crazy" Ad Hoc days. It was a fun lunch, chatting and talking about various topics.
Then off to Barbara for a chiropractic adjustment for the hip. She did some strange adjustment I'd never had before, right on the pubic bone. Wow, that hurt like a bastard but it seemed to shift something and the hip seems to be on the mend, finally. The pain was not as sharp anymore, more like the achy of a stiff muscle. May it stay so.
Then dinner with our friend David, an old classmate of ours from the CIIS days. He is struggling to finish his hours as well. Ahh, the usual struggles. We were trying to convince him to move into the downstairs apartment that opened up several months ago. We would love to have someone we know living downstairs. Partly just to have a known factor, partly we want more community as well. Don't know if we convinced him or not, alas.
So, that was my social day.
First was my Rosen session and all sorts of things are on the rise. With my hip still hurting, a lot of the focus was there and the pelvic region. It seems like that whole area is like cement sometimes. But my hip shifted a little bit at the end of the session so I was at least a little happy.
Then it was off to have lunch with Pam, a friend of Marty's from long ago in his "crazy" Ad Hoc days. It was a fun lunch, chatting and talking about various topics.
Then off to Barbara for a chiropractic adjustment for the hip. She did some strange adjustment I'd never had before, right on the pubic bone. Wow, that hurt like a bastard but it seemed to shift something and the hip seems to be on the mend, finally. The pain was not as sharp anymore, more like the achy of a stiff muscle. May it stay so.
Then dinner with our friend David, an old classmate of ours from the CIIS days. He is struggling to finish his hours as well. Ahh, the usual struggles. We were trying to convince him to move into the downstairs apartment that opened up several months ago. We would love to have someone we know living downstairs. Partly just to have a known factor, partly we want more community as well. Don't know if we convinced him or not, alas.
So, that was my social day.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Keep Moving
I could barely sleep last night, the pain in my hip was so bad. No position seemed comfortable. It throbbed and ached and was a general nuisance throughout the night. Next time I'm taking an Ambien to just knock my ass out.
At work today I found that sitting was pretty painful so I decided to just keep moving. So I put up a keyboard tray, moved small cabinets, cleaned up around the office, constantly moving. I seemed to get into the mind space of "Gotta keep moving or it (the hip stuff) will stop me.", that I would turn into some kind of stone statue and not be able to move again.
This is miserable. My hopes of short term are pretty much going out the window as it's already been going on for four days. Bah.
At work today I found that sitting was pretty painful so I decided to just keep moving. So I put up a keyboard tray, moved small cabinets, cleaned up around the office, constantly moving. I seemed to get into the mind space of "Gotta keep moving or it (the hip stuff) will stop me.", that I would turn into some kind of stone statue and not be able to move again.
This is miserable. My hopes of short term are pretty much going out the window as it's already been going on for four days. Bah.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
And On the Increase
Wow. This thing in my hip is only getting worse. Today it was bad enough that it was very hard to just sit down and back, you know, like to relax into your chair. I could sit in the seat and sort of perch forwards but there was still a dull ache in my hip. Hard to move around in certain ways as well. On a scale from one to ten, maybe an eight. I think in my bad days of my chronic stuff, I was saying it was a seven to eight, but I've changed my mind. It was more like a four to five compared to this. I'm still holding hope out that this will be short...
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Still Present
The weird and suddenly appearing pain from Monday is still present and accounted for. It's strange. I didn't do anything to my hip or my leg. No tripping or stumbling, etc. But just suddenly Monday early afternoon... odd. I still went to the gym to gently Antelope but didn't use the weight machines. I'm hoping this is a short lasting thingie...
Monday, March 10, 2008
The Wonders & Insanities of Netflix
So, being a Netflix buff, my queue is almost full (you can put 500 movies on it, including the ones you have out). I put all kinds of stuff on there, from what Marty categorizes as "High Brow" to "Low Brow". I've seen all sorts of strange and interesting movies like Nightwatch and Daywatch, a Russian sci-fi film and its sequel, along with all sorts of others, as well as being able to catch up on TV shows that I started mid or later seasons. And being able to have a limit of 500 movies in the queue is an advantage because I can browse through their insane list of proffered items and just Add here and there if it looks vaguely interesting. I'll try anything, really.
And what a great service, comes in mail, you watch, put in envelope, drop in box. Keep it as long as you want. I think Marty's had his current one for three month. I think I had one for more than six months. Since we have a distribution center in San Francisco, the turn around time is quite short, only a couple of days. Currently we have the 4-out-at-time plan. Meaning we can have four DVDs out at any given time. As soon as I send one (or three) back, they immediately send the next one (or three) from the queue. And since I have a ton already on the, queue, I could just leave it and watch. But I'm constantly rearranging my queue, changing the order to suit my mood or if I get caught up in a TV serial I want to watch in bulk. Or if in my browsing I find something I want to watch right away, add and bump to the top of the queue. Within an account, you can set up as many queues as you want. So Marty has his own separate queue from mine and he gets one of the four DVDs, while I get three. I watch more voraciously than he does.
So when I was browsing around, I ran across a TV series from a premium (meaning paid for) channel called here!, which apparently is GLBT oriented. The series is called Dante's Cove and seemed like a fantasy oriented show around a haunted hotel (well, haunted sort of, some thing about witches or some such). With a gay bent. So why the hell not, I said. To me, it's what Netflix is for, trying stuff out.
As you should know by now, I'm extremely lenient to movies and I usually give special latitude to TV shows as they don't usually have the same kind of budget. I even give extra special latitude to TV shows that are just beginning because you have to have some understanding that the actors are getting used to their characters and the plots and all that. So, that said, I think Dante's Cove has the most atrocious and appalling bad acting I've seen in a long time. It is little more than a very badly acted (and I mean VERY) soap opera with a little bit of "mysterious witch stuff" thrown in. Oh wow, I really was appalled by the bad acting.
But as I was watching, and probably doing something on my laptop, because I am the Queen of Multi-Tasking, after all, there was a scene at the beginning to set the story of why the Hotel Dante is "haunted", where the young man who is engaged to marry this woman (who ends up being a nasty witch, and I don't mean just the mean woman kind, but the red-glowing devil eyed (oh please) kind) (and also played by the horrible second commander of Bablyon 5, Tracy Scoggins) ends up seducing his butler and sleeping with him after she leaves the house. Full on nakedness. I'm not kidding. And as I look up from my screen, when I hear the betrayed woman screech when she returns unscheduled to find her man being banged from behind by said butler over their sofa, the butler stumbles back and lo, penis!! Full frontal. Wow. Some show. Of course, she then curses him and he falls on the floor in spasms, fully in view and naked penis flapping about and then dies.
Since that point, there weren't any full frontals but plenty of nakedness and "simulated" sex. usually to some cheesy "gay boy" music, what some might label as "house techno". Some show. Mostly gay sex but some lesbian and hetero sex, with what some might call hot boy eye-candy. Seems like mostly the show is a venue for this "medium" core porn. It's not hard-core, nor soft-core, so I guess medium-core will have to do. So plenty of bad acting, but the sex ain't bad... so how does one score such a thing?
But gods' bless Netflix for the opportunities to try out such... interesting media.
On a side note, I was watching this drivel because I didn't go (couldn't go) to Karate tonight because something in my left hip joint was hurting enough that it seemed smart to take the night off.
And what a great service, comes in mail, you watch, put in envelope, drop in box. Keep it as long as you want. I think Marty's had his current one for three month. I think I had one for more than six months. Since we have a distribution center in San Francisco, the turn around time is quite short, only a couple of days. Currently we have the 4-out-at-time plan. Meaning we can have four DVDs out at any given time. As soon as I send one (or three) back, they immediately send the next one (or three) from the queue. And since I have a ton already on the, queue, I could just leave it and watch. But I'm constantly rearranging my queue, changing the order to suit my mood or if I get caught up in a TV serial I want to watch in bulk. Or if in my browsing I find something I want to watch right away, add and bump to the top of the queue. Within an account, you can set up as many queues as you want. So Marty has his own separate queue from mine and he gets one of the four DVDs, while I get three. I watch more voraciously than he does.
So when I was browsing around, I ran across a TV series from a premium (meaning paid for) channel called here!, which apparently is GLBT oriented. The series is called Dante's Cove and seemed like a fantasy oriented show around a haunted hotel (well, haunted sort of, some thing about witches or some such). With a gay bent. So why the hell not, I said. To me, it's what Netflix is for, trying stuff out.
As you should know by now, I'm extremely lenient to movies and I usually give special latitude to TV shows as they don't usually have the same kind of budget. I even give extra special latitude to TV shows that are just beginning because you have to have some understanding that the actors are getting used to their characters and the plots and all that. So, that said, I think Dante's Cove has the most atrocious and appalling bad acting I've seen in a long time. It is little more than a very badly acted (and I mean VERY) soap opera with a little bit of "mysterious witch stuff" thrown in. Oh wow, I really was appalled by the bad acting.
But as I was watching, and probably doing something on my laptop, because I am the Queen of Multi-Tasking, after all, there was a scene at the beginning to set the story of why the Hotel Dante is "haunted", where the young man who is engaged to marry this woman (who ends up being a nasty witch, and I don't mean just the mean woman kind, but the red-glowing devil eyed (oh please) kind) (and also played by the horrible second commander of Bablyon 5, Tracy Scoggins) ends up seducing his butler and sleeping with him after she leaves the house. Full on nakedness. I'm not kidding. And as I look up from my screen, when I hear the betrayed woman screech when she returns unscheduled to find her man being banged from behind by said butler over their sofa, the butler stumbles back and lo, penis!! Full frontal. Wow. Some show. Of course, she then curses him and he falls on the floor in spasms, fully in view and naked penis flapping about and then dies.
Since that point, there weren't any full frontals but plenty of nakedness and "simulated" sex. usually to some cheesy "gay boy" music, what some might label as "house techno". Some show. Mostly gay sex but some lesbian and hetero sex, with what some might call hot boy eye-candy. Seems like mostly the show is a venue for this "medium" core porn. It's not hard-core, nor soft-core, so I guess medium-core will have to do. So plenty of bad acting, but the sex ain't bad... so how does one score such a thing?
But gods' bless Netflix for the opportunities to try out such... interesting media.
On a side note, I was watching this drivel because I didn't go (couldn't go) to Karate tonight because something in my left hip joint was hurting enough that it seemed smart to take the night off.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
A Usual Work Day
Work was usual this Sunday. Fairly quiet house minus getting cussed out by a client who took exception to me for some reason. He and I usually get along quite well. But lately he's attached skis to his feet and set himself on the steep downhill track. Drinking (alcohol) just about every day, not eating much at all, not doing much around the house for himself. Has all these physical problems that he can't get surgery for because of his drinking. Poor guy.
But these days I take the crap with a grain of salt. I know more and more it's not mine crap so I'm able more and more to just calmly hold the space and let them spin, try to assist with reducing the velocity of the spin as much as possible and not react.
So, it was a fairly usual day.
But these days I take the crap with a grain of salt. I know more and more it's not mine crap so I'm able more and more to just calmly hold the space and let them spin, try to assist with reducing the velocity of the spin as much as possible and not react.
So, it was a fairly usual day.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
A Psychedelic Day
I slept in late, as is my usual on days off. Marty called and asked if I wanted to do something when he got back from his consultation group. Walk, go to the museum, etc. I chose a walk and when he got home, suggested that we take our laptops across the park and find a cafe and computerize. Sounds good to me.
So of we went to a little Hawaiian oriented cafe and got to computerizing. Okay, strangely enough, the spell checker has an issue with "Okay" but not with "computerize or computerizing". I thought they were Heatherisms, not real words.
After computerizing, we walked home and Marty wanted to swing through the De Young for a
short stint. Which we can do since we are members. The current special exhibit was of/by Gilbert and George. I'd heard of them and seen maybe one piece of their art, at least when I saw it I recognized it. The picture here is not the one that I thought I knew but it gives a little bit of a hint of the flavor of their work. Although it's missing poo-crosses and naked men.
I can't say as I was at all impressed. In fact, I think I raised an eyebrow and just snorted. Just about every single piece had their image (Gilbert & George) somewhere inserted. As if into a smelly rectum. What narcissism. So yeah, not impressed. How does this sort of thing make it to big and important museums?
So anyway, we went home and computerized some more. And then watched a movie called Across the Universe. A trippy, rock 'n roll of the 70's sort of musical with a cute boy actor with a great voice. The movie itself was stylized and pretty, psychedelic at times. But it was the soundtrack that was so amazing. Different arrangements of The Beatles and possibly some other bands, not sure. Haunting versions of these songs, great arrangements. We liked it so much we bought the soundtrack. Try it.
So of we went to a little Hawaiian oriented cafe and got to computerizing. Okay, strangely enough, the spell checker has an issue with "Okay" but not with "computerize or computerizing". I thought they were Heatherisms, not real words.
After computerizing, we walked home and Marty wanted to swing through the De Young for a
short stint. Which we can do since we are members. The current special exhibit was of/by Gilbert and George. I'd heard of them and seen maybe one piece of their art, at least when I saw it I recognized it. The picture here is not the one that I thought I knew but it gives a little bit of a hint of the flavor of their work. Although it's missing poo-crosses and naked men.I can't say as I was at all impressed. In fact, I think I raised an eyebrow and just snorted. Just about every single piece had their image (Gilbert & George) somewhere inserted. As if into a smelly rectum. What narcissism. So yeah, not impressed. How does this sort of thing make it to big and important museums?
So anyway, we went home and computerized some more. And then watched a movie called Across the Universe. A trippy, rock 'n roll of the 70's sort of musical with a cute boy actor with a great voice. The movie itself was stylized and pretty, psychedelic at times. But it was the soundtrack that was so amazing. Different arrangements of The Beatles and possibly some other bands, not sure. Haunting versions of these songs, great arrangements. We liked it so much we bought the soundtrack. Try it.
Friday, March 7, 2008
New Fangled Anteloper
I tried a new fangled Anteloper at the YMCA today. It was the one I tried a week or so ago and had to switch. This time I figured it out and it's quite a neat machine.
The basic gait is a step as in going up stairs. But all you have to do is lengthen your stride to medium or even a long one as if running full out. All you have to do is just move your legs and it just adjusts, not that you have to tell the machine to adjust to it. When I moved to the stair-stepper gait, it was fun to push down with just my toes or with my heels and of course, with my iPod on, I can't help but to dance around a bit and probably look silly.
So the New Fangled Anteloper may become my regular machine to Antelope on.
On another note, there was this older gentleman at the YMCA there today and I found my eyes always drawn to him in the room. He seemed so very nice. Marty says he's a regular and that he has observed this man able to get along with everyone. He just had very nice and attractive energy. I guess that's why he is able to get along with everyone.
The basic gait is a step as in going up stairs. But all you have to do is lengthen your stride to medium or even a long one as if running full out. All you have to do is just move your legs and it just adjusts, not that you have to tell the machine to adjust to it. When I moved to the stair-stepper gait, it was fun to push down with just my toes or with my heels and of course, with my iPod on, I can't help but to dance around a bit and probably look silly.
So the New Fangled Anteloper may become my regular machine to Antelope on.
On another note, there was this older gentleman at the YMCA there today and I found my eyes always drawn to him in the room. He seemed so very nice. Marty says he's a regular and that he has observed this man able to get along with everyone. He just had very nice and attractive energy. I guess that's why he is able to get along with everyone.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The Heavenly Scent
I drove down to supervision today on the scooter, about a 30-40 minute drive from Eucalyptus House, almost an hour from my home, which is where I was leaving from. I went down highway 280 because 101 is scary crazy even in a car. 280 is a pleasant drive down by Half Moon Bay, less traffic but the road surface leaves much to be desired. But I never take my eyes off the road for a second when I'm going that fast so I'm starting to learn the nicks and potholes of the road, like any motorcyclist does for a frequently traveled route.
Then the two hours of supervision, its usual affair. And then bundled up to return. I didn't feel like hitting the highway again; it really makes me nervous these days. A lot more can happen on a weenie scooter with no protective gear (other than helmet and long pants and sleeves, etc) at 70 mph than at 30 mph. So I decided to take El Camino Real, which is the old route 82, before the main 280 highway was put in place (I'm guessing). It's a main road with lots of stoplights. But it had very few potholes and surface traps so I was happy. Plus I got to work right on time and I thought I was going to be a whole half hour late. So that was good too.
As I was driving up, toodling along, with my ear pods in under my helmet listening to my iPod (yes, I know this isn't exactly legal... but I play the music softly and always keep my eyes and ears peeled while driving), and suddenly, around Burlingame (one of those shsi-shsi rich south Bay suburbs that starts at San Francisco and just keeps going south, a long sprawl), I smelled a smell.
This smell would have put five pounds on you, if you had smelled it. I know I did. Driving along, smelling the usual smells of asphalt, the exhaust of other cars, the worse exhaust of trucks and cars who have not been smogged properly. Sometimes sewer smells, sometimes a breath of fresh air in the midst of all the pollutants.
And then, the first strains of it, creeping into my helmet, past those other smells of wrongness. Oh my, a heavenly scent. It smelled exactly like a croissant filled with dark chocolate and heated to perfection, melting the chocolate and bringing out that buttery croissant scent to mingle. I don't take my eyes of the road surface when I drive, you never know when a pothole will come up (although most roads I have traveled, I know exactly where the holes are) but this was the first time I'd driven this section of El Camino Real. And I wasn't looking away. But oh, I so wanted to. Waah!! I wanted desperately to know where this scent was coming from because I was so tempted to go find it and eat it. But I was worried about being late to work and thusly, kept driving. But I kept sniffing, drawing in huge lungfuls of that delicious, almost edible scent as I went by, which went on for almost two "blocks" and I was very sad when I could no longer pick that otherworldly smell from the rest of the boring and icky ones.
When I got to work, I told my co-workers there and my boss (the now-director Anne) said there was a chocolate factory in Burlingame. Apparently there are three major factories in the Bay Area, so she says, and I probably went by "Guitard", at least that's what it sounded like. I know of Ghirardelli (which I think one in San Anselmo, CA and I think it even used to be in San Francisco) and Scharffen Berger (in Berkeley). But I did some poking around and found a small chocolate factory in San Francisco, called so amazingly enough, The San Francisco Chocolate Factory. And there is indeed a chocolate factory in Burlingame of all places, called Guittard. Tasty.
I might just have to stop next time.
Then the two hours of supervision, its usual affair. And then bundled up to return. I didn't feel like hitting the highway again; it really makes me nervous these days. A lot more can happen on a weenie scooter with no protective gear (other than helmet and long pants and sleeves, etc) at 70 mph than at 30 mph. So I decided to take El Camino Real, which is the old route 82, before the main 280 highway was put in place (I'm guessing). It's a main road with lots of stoplights. But it had very few potholes and surface traps so I was happy. Plus I got to work right on time and I thought I was going to be a whole half hour late. So that was good too.
As I was driving up, toodling along, with my ear pods in under my helmet listening to my iPod (yes, I know this isn't exactly legal... but I play the music softly and always keep my eyes and ears peeled while driving), and suddenly, around Burlingame (one of those shsi-shsi rich south Bay suburbs that starts at San Francisco and just keeps going south, a long sprawl), I smelled a smell.
This smell would have put five pounds on you, if you had smelled it. I know I did. Driving along, smelling the usual smells of asphalt, the exhaust of other cars, the worse exhaust of trucks and cars who have not been smogged properly. Sometimes sewer smells, sometimes a breath of fresh air in the midst of all the pollutants.
And then, the first strains of it, creeping into my helmet, past those other smells of wrongness. Oh my, a heavenly scent. It smelled exactly like a croissant filled with dark chocolate and heated to perfection, melting the chocolate and bringing out that buttery croissant scent to mingle. I don't take my eyes of the road surface when I drive, you never know when a pothole will come up (although most roads I have traveled, I know exactly where the holes are) but this was the first time I'd driven this section of El Camino Real. And I wasn't looking away. But oh, I so wanted to. Waah!! I wanted desperately to know where this scent was coming from because I was so tempted to go find it and eat it. But I was worried about being late to work and thusly, kept driving. But I kept sniffing, drawing in huge lungfuls of that delicious, almost edible scent as I went by, which went on for almost two "blocks" and I was very sad when I could no longer pick that otherworldly smell from the rest of the boring and icky ones.
When I got to work, I told my co-workers there and my boss (the now-director Anne) said there was a chocolate factory in Burlingame. Apparently there are three major factories in the Bay Area, so she says, and I probably went by "Guitard", at least that's what it sounded like. I know of Ghirardelli (which I think one in San Anselmo, CA and I think it even used to be in San Francisco) and Scharffen Berger (in Berkeley). But I did some poking around and found a small chocolate factory in San Francisco, called so amazingly enough, The San Francisco Chocolate Factory. And there is indeed a chocolate factory in Burlingame of all places, called Guittard. Tasty.
I might just have to stop next time.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
The Moment of Truth
I have quite an extensive list of shows I record during the week and watch later. I'm really quite organized with this, making a list of times and channels and which VCR/DVD recorder it should be taped on, etc, etc.
Due to the writer's strike, lots of the network schedules were really jacked up. So due to that, I've not been able to tape all of the Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles. Actually, I haven't seen a single one yet.
So in my catch up of a lot of shows, I sit down and there's a show called The Moment of Truth followed by the Sarah Connor Chronicles, go figure, they changed it AGAIN. So I had The Moment of Truth instead. Bah.
Apparently this show is a reality show where they polygraph the contestants beforehand (the people don't know the answer of the polygraph machine) and then on the show, they are asked the same questions in front of their families and, of course, a nation-wide audience. Of course, there's money involved. Contestants get a tier of money for a number of questions answered and the questions only get more personal as they go along. So really, really revealing questions for a lot of money ($200,000 I think is the top tier), with only one "pass button" to use (by the family). If they answer truthfully, they can continue, if they lie, they lose it all, all money that has been built up thus far. All based on the polygraph test done before the show, test results they don't know about. So, smart, right? Fucking nuts, if you ask me.
I would not be a good candidate. Not that I'm a liar and have a ton to hide, it's just that my polygraph would come out as a lie to every single question because I'm just a regularly anxious person. And I have my doubts about how accurate those machines are anyway.
This show was in my usual taped slot because it was a "special showing of a controversial episode". So, I watched it. I don't watch a lot of reality TV, usually just America's Next Top Model and Beauty & The Geek. I watch for sociological and psychological interest and yes, a streak of voyeurism. Hell, it's why these stupid shows are so damn popular.
This "controversial show" was about a young wife, married for two years, getting up to "bare her truthful soul" in front of her husband Frank, her mother and father, and sister and brother. She past the first two tiers and the host, who is already squirming in his seat, gives her a chance to leave with the money she has earned so far, but she keeps going. Getting into questions like "Do you think you might have still been in love with your ex-boyfriend on your wedding night?" (which she answered "Yes" to and the little computerized voice stated that the answer was "True"). And then they have her ex-boyfriend, interestingly enough named Frank, to ask "If I were to want to get back together with you, would you leave your husband?" To which the host offers Frank The Husband a chance to hit the skip button, which he, naturally does not take. So there's some more squirming and then suddenly the button goes off and it's the sister who has hit it (to the boos and jeers of the audience), giving the reason that she didn't want to hear the answer and didn't think anyone would want to hear that sort of answer. My reasoning is (since the sisters admitted to being close to each other), the sister already knew that answer and was trying to save her sister from answering it. But the skipped question is replaced with another one, which ended up being read, again, by Frank The Ex-Boyfriend, "Do you think I should be the one you are married to?" or some such, which she answers yes to. And then to the next tier where the host even encourages her to walk with what she has. But she keeps going, "Have you ever had sexual relations with someone other than your husband?" to which she answers yes, leaving Frank The Husband with his face in his hands, scrunched into his knees. And the computer confirms all these as true. And then she's going for the $200,000 tier, two more questions. "Do you think you are a good person?", to which she answers yes (remember, she doesn't know what the polygraph response actually was), to which the computer states is false. Thus, she loses everything. And I guess in this case, really everything.
I mean, here's a woman destroying her marriage, her life even, humiliating her husband and family, for what, the chance for a paltry bit of money? I'm sorry, but $200,000 is a disgustingly tiny amount of money to fuck shit up for. I mean, if you're going to blow it, blow it massively, expensively big.
I was asking myself, "Why the hell would she do this?" and then realized, of course, because she WANTS to tell her husband that she's been unfaithful. But please, go to couple's therapy and tell the truth there.
I was completely nauseous throughout the entire show. And the audience is cheering her answers or booing the sister taking the skip button. It's definitely not one I'm going back to watch. If these shows are going to be made, then please, for fuck's sake, make more like Beauty & The Geek. At least there's some sweetness and transformation that goes on there.
Wow, wake the fuck up, America, and don't perpetuate this shit by watching it.
Due to the writer's strike, lots of the network schedules were really jacked up. So due to that, I've not been able to tape all of the Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles. Actually, I haven't seen a single one yet.
So in my catch up of a lot of shows, I sit down and there's a show called The Moment of Truth followed by the Sarah Connor Chronicles, go figure, they changed it AGAIN. So I had The Moment of Truth instead. Bah.
Apparently this show is a reality show where they polygraph the contestants beforehand (the people don't know the answer of the polygraph machine) and then on the show, they are asked the same questions in front of their families and, of course, a nation-wide audience. Of course, there's money involved. Contestants get a tier of money for a number of questions answered and the questions only get more personal as they go along. So really, really revealing questions for a lot of money ($200,000 I think is the top tier), with only one "pass button" to use (by the family). If they answer truthfully, they can continue, if they lie, they lose it all, all money that has been built up thus far. All based on the polygraph test done before the show, test results they don't know about. So, smart, right? Fucking nuts, if you ask me.
I would not be a good candidate. Not that I'm a liar and have a ton to hide, it's just that my polygraph would come out as a lie to every single question because I'm just a regularly anxious person. And I have my doubts about how accurate those machines are anyway.
This show was in my usual taped slot because it was a "special showing of a controversial episode". So, I watched it. I don't watch a lot of reality TV, usually just America's Next Top Model and Beauty & The Geek. I watch for sociological and psychological interest and yes, a streak of voyeurism. Hell, it's why these stupid shows are so damn popular.
This "controversial show" was about a young wife, married for two years, getting up to "bare her truthful soul" in front of her husband Frank, her mother and father, and sister and brother. She past the first two tiers and the host, who is already squirming in his seat, gives her a chance to leave with the money she has earned so far, but she keeps going. Getting into questions like "Do you think you might have still been in love with your ex-boyfriend on your wedding night?" (which she answered "Yes" to and the little computerized voice stated that the answer was "True"). And then they have her ex-boyfriend, interestingly enough named Frank, to ask "If I were to want to get back together with you, would you leave your husband?" To which the host offers Frank The Husband a chance to hit the skip button, which he, naturally does not take. So there's some more squirming and then suddenly the button goes off and it's the sister who has hit it (to the boos and jeers of the audience), giving the reason that she didn't want to hear the answer and didn't think anyone would want to hear that sort of answer. My reasoning is (since the sisters admitted to being close to each other), the sister already knew that answer and was trying to save her sister from answering it. But the skipped question is replaced with another one, which ended up being read, again, by Frank The Ex-Boyfriend, "Do you think I should be the one you are married to?" or some such, which she answers yes to. And then to the next tier where the host even encourages her to walk with what she has. But she keeps going, "Have you ever had sexual relations with someone other than your husband?" to which she answers yes, leaving Frank The Husband with his face in his hands, scrunched into his knees. And the computer confirms all these as true. And then she's going for the $200,000 tier, two more questions. "Do you think you are a good person?", to which she answers yes (remember, she doesn't know what the polygraph response actually was), to which the computer states is false. Thus, she loses everything. And I guess in this case, really everything.
I mean, here's a woman destroying her marriage, her life even, humiliating her husband and family, for what, the chance for a paltry bit of money? I'm sorry, but $200,000 is a disgustingly tiny amount of money to fuck shit up for. I mean, if you're going to blow it, blow it massively, expensively big.
I was asking myself, "Why the hell would she do this?" and then realized, of course, because she WANTS to tell her husband that she's been unfaithful. But please, go to couple's therapy and tell the truth there.
I was completely nauseous throughout the entire show. And the audience is cheering her answers or booing the sister taking the skip button. It's definitely not one I'm going back to watch. If these shows are going to be made, then please, for fuck's sake, make more like Beauty & The Geek. At least there's some sweetness and transformation that goes on there.
Wow, wake the fuck up, America, and don't perpetuate this shit by watching it.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Some Silly Walks For You
I give you, The Ministry of Silly Walks... in Spanish:
I think John Cleese is made of putty.
I think John Cleese is made of putty.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Silly Military Acronyms
A resident who was in the Navy shared these silly little acronyms with me. Some I knew from my time in the Navy. I thought I would share them with you before tossing the bit of paper they were written down on.
NAVY = Never Again Volunteer Yourself
ARMY = Ain't Ready for Marines Yet
MARINE = Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential
MARINE = My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment
USMC = Uncle Sam's Misguided Children
PFM = Pure Fucking Magic (when something seems to "magically" fix itself after being broken)
There, you are served.
NAVY = Never Again Volunteer Yourself
ARMY = Ain't Ready for Marines Yet
MARINE = Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential
MARINE = My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment
USMC = Uncle Sam's Misguided Children
PFM = Pure Fucking Magic (when something seems to "magically" fix itself after being broken)
There, you are served.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Month of Photos
I'm going to try to do a photo every day, if possible, for the month of March. I might skip a few days in order to not trigger my "this is too much, I'm not doing it" thingie I get. I need the practice and hell, why not. I also started a new blog to talk about the process for each image. Each blog entry will have a link for each photo.
My Daily Photographs for March
My Photography Blog
My Photography Site
My Daily Photographs for March
My Photography Blog
My Photography Site
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