Yeah, So... Okay

Yeah, so... okay, I didn't keep up with the "every day" crap, obviously.

And I'd rather write the longer and deeper posts like I wrote prior 2011, occasionally than dumb little posts every day.

Work has settled down quite a bit and I feel less irritable about it. Well, for the most part. Bureaucracy is still a dumb ass bitch. We're full now, both clients and staffing. The two staff positions open were hard; carrying three clients along with groups and the other craziness that usually occurs is hard. Of course, I used to carry more than that at Eucalyptus House but the work load just didn't seem the same, well, until COC. I generally like the team we have now. Admin is always admin, not much to be done around that and I'm kind of tired of trying to "train" my admin. They are just going to do what they do. Although doing some meds might assist that.

For the most part, life is going on pretty good. I'm still working on my ecology classes. Slowly. Always have to wait for classes to roll around to night and not all teachers teach at night. So it goes. Just slowly. Potentially considering going back to full time, maybe try for Berkeley with one of their College of Natural Resources degrees. We'll see. Don't feel so desperate about work these days, although I still don't want to be in the field. I want to be IN the field.

Marty and I are going along. Our usual crazy ups and downs. But overall, more ground is gained than not, so overall, a good thing.

Today, just in a slump. Too much coffee maybe? I only drank maybe 2/3 of a regular sized mug, with milk and sugar, my usual. Although it was the horrible brewed coffee at work which I could have potentially made too strong because I suck at making coffee in those machines. Never know the ratios. And for some reason, that kind of coffee makes me a little crazy. Three shots makes me crazy. Two shots of espresso usually are fine but well, not working so well any more. So more coffee. But more crazy. A quandary, no?

Unpaid Day Off

Well, I thought my TB test was next month but David comes in and says "You can't be working, you're test is not up to date."

I'm like, oh crap. I hate getting those things. So I go to Joe Healy in order to get a test placed.

I always react badly. But get positive reads one year, negative next. Always leaves a dark mark on my arm for months.

But this time turned out to be positive again with a worse reaction than usual and had to go get a chest x-ray so I could work. I think I just missed one day of work but still.

So I go and get the blood test because I'm sick of this back and forth shit only to find out that the QuantiFeron test for TB says I'm positive. And it's the more accurate test.

So at some point I was exposed to TB although I have never been active. That makes me a latent... carrier? Don't know exactly how I qualify.

Interestingly enough I can still donate blood with a positive test, just not active symptoms. That makes no sense to me. I have the anti-bodies, but not the disease? Or my body thought I had the disease at some point but I didn't but it still responded like I did? I don't really understand what the whole thing means. I do know I will not be taking the 9 month long INH crap with liver tests, thank you very fucking much.

Rango Is Spirit and Spirit Is Rango!

Yeah, I totally don't know what I meant by that. But cute movie.

Center for World Spirituality

It rocked.

Possibly the first community I want to invest time in?

All excited an' shit. Which means, "watch this carefully that you do not burn it out suddenly."

The Rain

It's still raining.

And I'm still getting rained on riding my scooter.

There was the "threat of snow" and everyone was atwitter at work. And I don't mean Tweeting.

I highly doubt it'll snow. Not that we haven't had snow here.... I think once about 10 years ago...

It hails. Nice, perfectly round chunks. But snow... nope. And highly unlikely.

But if it does, it's not like I'm going to get off of school (read work).

Tih-erd

Tired.

Just feeling a bit weary. Probably need a vacation but really, I'm not so good at vacations especially with Marty. We don't play well together.

A Rainy Day

Raining all day.

I hate rain.

Had enough on Diego Garcia to last an entire lifetime.

I Am Number Four

Your usual teenage, alien lover, journey type movie fare.

A Day At the Races

Horse racing. Marty took me to the races. It was fun, got to sit up in the restaurant and eat and watch some races. We even bet $5 on a horse. Not big gamblers, us.

It was kind of fun to get into the excitement of the races even though these were horses that only had a few races under their belts. Saddles?

Pleasure In a Cafe

And I don't mean having sex on one of the little tables either...

Just sitting in my cafe, waiting for class, playing around with my battery hogging iPhone, which I had to turn off to preserve battery to get it home so I could make sure the new info I put in would synch. I remember the old days when you lost battery power, you also lost the new information on the phone... but I guess these days if the battery really did run out, it'd be okay.

In any case, listening to some nice old blues, drinking my mocha chai, poking around my netbook and suddenly overcome with a sense of satisfaction. Like Dr. Marc was saying yesterday, an evolved being can derive pleasure from anything.

I often feel like an amoeba but looking out the window at that gorgeous orangey-pink light as the sun begins to set, listening to the some good blues, the very sweet chirping of the canaries around the cafe, tasty mocha chai, suddenly a sense of pleasure, of deep appreciation for the moment, a fabulous relaxed feeling, like after some really good sex on a little table... I joke (partly), but really, a real contentment for my life overall in that small moment.

Not so amoeba-like, I tell you.

Pleasure, Pain and an iPhone

Had a session with Dr. Marc. Was feeling kind of depressed but it turned out to be a rather interesting session about pleasure and pain.

On the pleasure side... our iPhones were here when I got home and that really fucking rocked. So, mostly all good.

Just Another Sunday

It's like the "Just Another Monday" song.... but with Sunday, get it?

Another Coma

Slept all day.

Rootless Depression

Feeling sort of down and depressed but there doesn't seem to be a reason.

I mean, even work was slightly good for once.

I did have lots of junk food today and those crazy stupid extremely painful back and pelvis things going on.

But just... in a funk.