The Non-Enlightenment of Bureaucracy, Part One

So continues the apparently non-ending saga of the Trusty Little Red Scooter.

The above photo, again taken with my new uber phone, is the Face of Bureaucracy. Food, water, paper for notes, paperwork, phone, all crazy and shit. Just like Bureaucracy.

Tuesday (11/21) I had gone in to get the whole scooter mess dealt with. Didn't have to wait long, only an hour. Paid off my registration in full. Now, this is truly an interesting thing because the nice lady said, oh, you don't have to pay the full amount because you have a credit of $84. I'm like, uhm, from what. Oh, probably from paying the registration LAST YEAR and it never got applied or some such, here's your sticker. I kept my cool. I even thanked her and wished her a happy Thanksgiving and all. They also said they needed to see the bike in person to verify the VIN number and I was driving the truck. Because the police told me not to drive the scooter. And Marty wouldn't even let me drive it to the DMV until the registration stuff was taken care of. Fair enough. Done for the day!

Wednesday (11/22) after staff meeting, I swing by the DMV to get the VIN number checked since I'm up and driving again. A dude with a clipboard looks all over my scooter but can't find my VIN number even after I've told him three times where to look. Finally he writes it down and then says, "So where's the other one?" I'm like, what the hell are you talking about dude? Apparently vehicles have TWO numbers which identify it, one on the engine and one for EAP emissions or some such? I have no idea. So NOW I have to take my bad boy Trusty Little Red Scooter to CHP, the California Highway Patrol where they will hoist it up or take it apart or some such shit. What UP?!!

So I go home, armed with my paperwork, to call CHP, to call DMV collections to update since I didn't get a chance for that yesterday. The officer at CHP who deals with the hoisting or taking apart or some such shit has already left the day (it's 3:15pm) and of course, due to the impending holidays, will not be back in the office until Monday. I leave a message.

Then I call the DMV collections office or whatever they are to update their computers that I paid my registration. This is what the nice lady at the DMV told me to do. "Call here, give them this confirmation number." Right-o. So I call and tell them I have to give this number, she starts to say it doesn't matter because I owe the DMV money and I'm like, "They told me to give you this number, I'm giving you this number." And I do. And she says, "Well, your case is not closed, you still owe the DMV money." Me: "But I paid in full. I have the receipt right in front of me. They told me to call you to update your computers that it was paid." Her: "Well, here, call this number at the main DMV office in Sacramento and tell them all this."

So, bravely onwards, thou bureaucratic peon! I call the main office in Sacramento where, while on hold, I hear strange bursts of music and sometimes snippets of other people's conversations with the DMV between bouts of silence. Okaaay. Then a woman comes on and takes my account number and name and then just puts me on hold without any say so. At least this time with music. "Bring me a higher love, oh oh....". Indeed.

Then another woman comes on and takes my account number and name and then suddenly, I'm disconnected. I'm rather annoyed at this point. But I take another bite of salad, have another drink of water and bravely plunge back in, to call back.

"We are currently experiencing a high call volume, please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly." No doubt. This time I do get a nice lady named Destiny on the phone and we start trying to sort out the craziness that seems to be DMV Bureaucracy. I shouldn't have a credit, she says. But I do and the lady at the DMV office said so. But you shouldn't. But I do. Hmm, I wonder how that happened, she says. I have the receipt here, should I send it? Yes, fax it over and we'll review it Monday.

Well then, the saga shall continue, I'm sure. No doubt at all.

It occurs to me that if the human race put all the time spent dealing with Bureaucracy into creative or spiritual ventures, we'd just about be an Enlightened species by now.