F.E.A.R.

I was working yesterday with our house manager (the person who shops for the house and takes care of the physical plant of the house) and training her for the relief counselor position (someone who is called in when regular staff is on vacation or sick) and we were talking with one of the residents about fear. My colleague said to the resident that fear stands for "False Experiences Appearing Real".

I was struck by this in the moment. Later thinking led me to believe that there are experiences that are quite real in connection with fear. And there are ones that are false too, so I agree and disagree with the anagram. But more on fear itself later.

In the moment however, I was thinking, "That's fantastic!!" And I think in the moment, it fit the resident's situation as her fear was based on what she perceives in other people, ie, "I know so and so is upset with me." I've often challenged residents and my clients (when I was in internship) around this. Depending on my rapport with the person, it often goes like this "Wow, when did you develop telepathy!! That's amazing that you know just what people are thinking!" Which I can do with this resident. Meaning, we aren't a telepathic species and cannot know for sure what another person is experiencing unless WE ASK. So go ask. "Hey, so and so, are you upset with me?" So in her case, it was definitely a false experience (so and so is upset with me) appearing real (so and so IS upset with me).

Hmmm, fear. Nothing to fear but fear itself. Good old fear, for so many a constant companion throughout their lives. And when I mean so many, I mean just about all of us. Maybe the Dali Lama does not have fear. Maybe. Well, he probably has a very different relationship with his fear. One far beyond the rest of us. Fear takes so many different forms so I don't want to hear anyone say, "Oh, I'm not afraid of anything." And I'm not talking about fear in the sense of being afraid of the dark, of spiders, etc.

I'm talking about Fear. When you have that idea that you really want to start your own company selling crochet, jewelry or photographs (some of ideas I've had) and you don't do it, that's fear. Inner Critic shit is fear. "Oh, no one would buy my stuff, it's no good." Fear. And I guess that is a false experience appearing real. "I'm no good." Lies! People all the time say this to themselves. Lies! Straight out lies. "But it's true!" Lies!

We are so often controlled by our own fears; we miss out on so much. I know I have. I know my residents do, moment to moment. From not being able to go on a simple walk to getting their own independent living situation. For me, I think, fear has had a wild tap dancing party on my creativity. And not just the ideas of having my own company. But everything from writing a poem (which I used to do frequently) to figuring out what I want to do in my life as a career. What's really hard is that I'm AWARE of it!! I know it's Fear lurking and plotting and controlling but yet, I still fall prey over and over. Sigh.

Burning Man's theme this year was about fear, well, and hope too. "Hope and Fear: The Future" Here are some quotes about fear that I found at Burning Man in different areas of Black Rock City but that have been with me all my life, excepting the Temple quote since it was my first time to BRC.

Marianne Williamson, from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Dune, by Frank Herbert:

"I shall not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will allow it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Author unknown, found on Temple wall at Burning Man 2006:

"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, "Holy shit... What a ride!!"

We are so controlled! Fear is our master and we let it be as such. We are
slaves to its whim.

So, what are you going to do about it?