Haircut by an Alien Abductee

Today's morning was my usual, going to work for my usually tense staff meeting from 10am-12pm, which fortunately was replaced by our once a month training at the main office. So I go to work, leave my scooter there and drive our big honkin' passenger van with my fellow co-workers down to the main office in San Mateo. Once driving everyone back up to Eucalyptus House, I collected my scooter and headed home.

On the way home, I decided that I wanted to do something nice for myself. Maybe a manicure and a much needed haircut and a little sushi. I ended up getting a haircut and a lot of sushi. But the haircut was an adventure of its own.

So, I knew there were a couple of places that did nails and hair around the block from where I live so I went to the closest one. Upon examination of their meager nail station, I decided I'd go the route of my husband and get a "cheapie" haircut. I usually am one of those folks that pays $70 for a haircut. Not because I'm rich or want any kind of social status or what not, but I know that you often get what you pay for. And while this is not always the case with hairstylists, it often is accurate. I've rarely gotten a bad haircut for $70, I've rarely gotten a good haircut for $25. But I decided to chance it since I didn't want to pay $70. So I did a walk in and only had to wait fifteen minutes or so to get put in the washer station.

I really didn't need the wash, and how she ended cutting my hair... the wash didn't make sense. But it was one of the nicest hair washes I think I've ever had. She scrubbed with her nails but gently, no digging in. It felt like my scalp was getting a massage. Now I see why Marty wants me to scrub my nails on his head all the time. And it also felt like she was getting a really deep cleaning done as well. So that was nice.

Then she seated me, placing the usual "bib" or whatever that thing is around me. Then... she blow-dried my hair and proceeded to start cutting. I was like... wha? I mean, you leave it wet and then cut it so you can see where the uneven bits are, right? Then she started talking. And she had a thick Asian accent that was hard to understand but I did my best, trying to keep engaged with the topic at hand, which seemed to meander at sudden moments. While she was talking, she would keep coming around to the front to look me directly in the eye, rather than looking at me in the mirror like ever other hairdresser I've ever been to. So when she would come around to the front, of course, she would stop cutting my hair so a cut that should have been quick ended up being quite slow.

And what topics might have come up, you ask? Well, at one point, with my ears strained at the max to try and pick up recognizable phonemes, I realized she was asking me something. "You know, U - F - O.", she spelled it out because I think she realized I hadn't got it when she just said "ufo", as if saying how it was written. I said, "Oh, yes, UFOs, like from space, you mean?" She eagerly acknowledged, seeming pleased that I understood and then proceeded to launch into how she had seen a UFO (maybe several, this was unclear) when she was 8 or 9 years old. This was followed by a long explanation of which I maybe got one quarter. In that long drawn out monologue, I think she mentioned something about "they" or "them" doing things to people... maybe to her and how they're always here or some such. It really was garbled. So I'm not even sure I heard that but it sounded an awful lot like it.

Fortunately, she got derailed into another topic by her fellow hairdresser who was cutting the hair of a young man who was shortly going to school in Beijing, China and all about the new building that was in process for the Olympics soon to be held there.

She finished the cut and happily showed me the back of my head with the double mirror trick. It basically looked the same as when I came in, maybe slightly more trimmed. I pulled out my card and found they only took cash. I mean, what hair salon takes cash! So I told her I could get a check from my house around the corner and she let me go get it, just leaving the salon with no collateral in place.

Of course I returned, and wrote out $30 for the most interesting haircut I've had in a long time. The cut itself sucked but the hair wash was very nice and hey, it isn't everyday that one gets their hair cut by an alien abductee.