Round Three in the ring of Heather vs. COC goes to.... well, hard to say.
Apparently I am an absolute joy to work with. Natch.
Because obviously it's all about my attitude and no matter that the week before I was an employee who just didn't have the matching values for the agency.
At this point... whatever.
Suck my COC, bitch.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Always More Training
For fuck's sake.
Always more training at work.
Although we did have a freakish mock group with one of our relief workers "play-acting" a scary client.
But it seemed so real that everyone in the room was a bit disturbed by it. I was sitting next to the guy and I kept trying to lean away from him. He was intense. I figure that it's hard to produce that sort of reality "acting" without really having it in you somewhere. He's always seemed a little off. I wonder if he's having his first break?
Schizophrenia does tend to show up around 18-22 and he's around 22.
It was just strange to experience that coming out of someone who is suppose to be one of the "normal" ones.
Yeah.
Always more training at work.
Although we did have a freakish mock group with one of our relief workers "play-acting" a scary client.
But it seemed so real that everyone in the room was a bit disturbed by it. I was sitting next to the guy and I kept trying to lean away from him. He was intense. I figure that it's hard to produce that sort of reality "acting" without really having it in you somewhere. He's always seemed a little off. I wonder if he's having his first break?
Schizophrenia does tend to show up around 18-22 and he's around 22.
It was just strange to experience that coming out of someone who is suppose to be one of the "normal" ones.
Yeah.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
More Singing and Dancing
Band practice today.
I'm singing a few songs on my own... ack!!! "Long Tall Sally" being one. I wanted "Tush" but couldn't push it the way I wanted without hurting my voice a bit.
Then went to my next "Intro to Ballet" class since it doesn't seem really like an "Intro to Dance" class, as I would see it. We were doing bows at the end of class, pretending to run out and bow to the pretend "audience" and the teacher told us to engage our personalities and be playful and creative. So, of course, I run out there, all tippy ballet style, bow somewhat gracefully with a kiss to my "audience" and then slap my own ass and tippy off the "stage".
Yeah, I'm a bit coarse around the edges, no graceful ballerina here.
I'm singing a few songs on my own... ack!!! "Long Tall Sally" being one. I wanted "Tush" but couldn't push it the way I wanted without hurting my voice a bit.
Then went to my next "Intro to Ballet" class since it doesn't seem really like an "Intro to Dance" class, as I would see it. We were doing bows at the end of class, pretending to run out and bow to the pretend "audience" and the teacher told us to engage our personalities and be playful and creative. So, of course, I run out there, all tippy ballet style, bow somewhat gracefully with a kiss to my "audience" and then slap my own ass and tippy off the "stage".
Yeah, I'm a bit coarse around the edges, no graceful ballerina here.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Ballet at the Y
So my trainer helped me out for free with ballet moves, which was quite cool. I'm feeling fairly amazed at myself that I can pick up the moves pretty quickly. I still seem to suck at a string of moves together, meaning choreography but I suppose with being more comfortable with the single moves will help that a lot.
We might try out flamenco together although I know our schedules are both pretty whacked out and mine only to get worse later in the year.
We might try out flamenco together although I know our schedules are both pretty whacked out and mine only to get worse later in the year.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Lines Crossed
Heavy clinical days at work are really long all day marathons.
Our main borderline was freaking out hard most of the day. She called the cops in the morning. She was continuously aggressive throughout the day until I called the cops on her in the evening.
The police told the program that we'd be liable if anything happened again and those were fortunately the magic words to get COC to send both the residents involved away pretty much the next day.
Whew. But the house will be so much quieter from here on out. For the most part.
Our main borderline was freaking out hard most of the day. She called the cops in the morning. She was continuously aggressive throughout the day until I called the cops on her in the evening.
The police told the program that we'd be liable if anything happened again and those were fortunately the magic words to get COC to send both the residents involved away pretty much the next day.
Whew. But the house will be so much quieter from here on out. For the most part.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Instantaneous Eternal
This Engrish is absolutely fantastic. I have no idea what the product is but you got to love "tight dependence this instantaneous eternal."
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Elusive Sleep
I really don't really sleep at work anymore. The notes are supposed to have gotten a "help" but still seems really long... especially if you end up doing your actual job (being with clients most of the day). So once you've gotten to close the door and started on notes, it gets way too long.
And once I crawl into bed, well, I don't feel like I sleep much these days, very light and restless. Any noise brings me to alertness even though no one knocks on the door these days. But it is the energy of the house lately. Even though no one knocks, the clinical energy is waiting for it. And people do stay up late, wandering back and forth and the steps outside the office are loud.
Nooby must have sensed something because as I lay down to try and sleep, he crawled up onto the bed with me and when I rolled over onto my stomach, he crawled up onto my back and spread out, a nice comfortable weight. I move a lot when sleeping (or trying to) but he felt so warm and comfortable that I tried not to move at all.
That cat is so spoiled. Everyone loves him and for absolute good reason, he really is the sweetest cat I've ever met. And he's like one of our birds, William, who can do no wrong because he's just so darn cute. Nooby is the same way. He can come bug you by trying to sit on you when typing your notes out or he might come and sit on your papers that you are trying to use to type your notes out.
But lying on my back with him spread out in such a comfortable fashion even though I couldn't move lest he fall off, well, that's completely forgivable.
What a CUTE kitty!!!
And once I crawl into bed, well, I don't feel like I sleep much these days, very light and restless. Any noise brings me to alertness even though no one knocks on the door these days. But it is the energy of the house lately. Even though no one knocks, the clinical energy is waiting for it. And people do stay up late, wandering back and forth and the steps outside the office are loud.
Nooby must have sensed something because as I lay down to try and sleep, he crawled up onto the bed with me and when I rolled over onto my stomach, he crawled up onto my back and spread out, a nice comfortable weight. I move a lot when sleeping (or trying to) but he felt so warm and comfortable that I tried not to move at all.
That cat is so spoiled. Everyone loves him and for absolute good reason, he really is the sweetest cat I've ever met. And he's like one of our birds, William, who can do no wrong because he's just so darn cute. Nooby is the same way. He can come bug you by trying to sit on you when typing your notes out or he might come and sit on your papers that you are trying to use to type your notes out.
But lying on my back with him spread out in such a comfortable fashion even though I couldn't move lest he fall off, well, that's completely forgivable.
What a CUTE kitty!!!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Disturbia
Well, this is an interesting post, because I feel pretty damn good but this song is in my head as a fucking brilliant positive song. Maybe it's the song music itself because the lyrics certainly aren't very positive.
People finally started speaking up a little bit in staff meeting today to my amazement. I don't think that's why I'm in such a good mood although I believe it might have a little bit added in. So, Disturbia:
So, music or lyrics? Actually maybe both. Maybe I'm feeling that things are going the opposite from the lyrics, more in line with the music.
Although sometimes I feel the positive states are like living in a city of wonder. Places that are within, every moment, just waiting to be brought to the surface.
People finally started speaking up a little bit in staff meeting today to my amazement. I don't think that's why I'm in such a good mood although I believe it might have a little bit added in. So, Disturbia:
Disturbia - Rihanna
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum x4
What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now
No more gas in the rig
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah
It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort
(chorus)
Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum x4
Faded pictures on the wall
It's like they talkin' to me
Disconnectin' your call
Your phone don't even ring
I gotta get out
Or figure this shit out
It's too close for comfort
It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
I feel like a monster
(Chorus)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum x4
Disturbia
Release me from this curse
I've been trying to maintain
But I'm struggling
You can't go, go, go
I think I'm going to oh, oh, oh
(Chorus)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum x4
So, music or lyrics? Actually maybe both. Maybe I'm feeling that things are going the opposite from the lyrics, more in line with the music.
Although sometimes I feel the positive states are like living in a city of wonder. Places that are within, every moment, just waiting to be brought to the surface.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The Natural?
Well, I slept in until 12pm after going to bed at 1am or so. I had to take an Ambien to force "the issue" as I put it, since I had pretty much slept all day yesterday. Guess I needed the sleep.
So I pulled myself up and messed around with the computer, discovering that I probably will not be able to get the point on my driving record removed (a speed trap near Burning Man last year). Nevada doesn't allow out of state people to take traffic school. And although their points disappear in one year, CA DMV says it will last up to three years. I really don't understand it all and it sounds so fucking arbitrary and stupid. Of course, it's driving up my insurance which really sucks. I will appeal it to the Nevada judge but it doesn't look good. I hate that sort of thing. So... fuck.
On the other hand, I went to an Intro to Dance class taught at the Lines Ballet school, the public side. For the broke down oldies like myself. It was basic ballet movement with the simple ballet piano music that makes you want to claw your eyes out, not the stuff I'd RATHER be dancing to, for example "Untouched" by The Veronicas.
But I figured I needed to start with the simple basics first, and a lot of modern dance has its roots in ballet. Yey. But yeah, need to start there before I go to modern jazz, modern contemporary or even a type of hip-hop I've really been enjoying on So You Think You Can Dance called Lyrical Hip-Hop. An example, Mark and Chelsie (from the show) dancing to "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. He's a workaholic husband, she's the left at home wife. Or Joshua and Katee dancing a lyrical routine about a boyfriend telling his girlfriend he has been called to war. Amazing.
So I pulled myself up and messed around with the computer, discovering that I probably will not be able to get the point on my driving record removed (a speed trap near Burning Man last year). Nevada doesn't allow out of state people to take traffic school. And although their points disappear in one year, CA DMV says it will last up to three years. I really don't understand it all and it sounds so fucking arbitrary and stupid. Of course, it's driving up my insurance which really sucks. I will appeal it to the Nevada judge but it doesn't look good. I hate that sort of thing. So... fuck.
On the other hand, I went to an Intro to Dance class taught at the Lines Ballet school, the public side. For the broke down oldies like myself. It was basic ballet movement with the simple ballet piano music that makes you want to claw your eyes out, not the stuff I'd RATHER be dancing to, for example "Untouched" by The Veronicas.
But I figured I needed to start with the simple basics first, and a lot of modern dance has its roots in ballet. Yey. But yeah, need to start there before I go to modern jazz, modern contemporary or even a type of hip-hop I've really been enjoying on So You Think You Can Dance called Lyrical Hip-Hop. An example, Mark and Chelsie (from the show) dancing to "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. He's a workaholic husband, she's the left at home wife. Or Joshua and Katee dancing a lyrical routine about a boyfriend telling his girlfriend he has been called to war. Amazing.
But I hugely digress.
So I walk into the class and all these skinny bitches with fanciful dance "shoe" type thingies including a couple of people in point shoes, are standing there. The teacher notes me as new and asks if I've had any classes before. "No.", I say, pretty true in my adult lifetime. Then she asks if I do any sports or am very physically active. "No." I say, wondering what I'm in for. Isn't this supposed to be an INTRO to dance class? She then tells me she has a class on Sundays that might be more suited to me, (I guess I have reached Weenie status, I'm not sure). I shake my head regretfully because I work on Sundays. She says to give this class a go although it might be fast. Uhm, isn't this an INTRO to dance class??
So it starts out with those old barre exercises, holding onto the barre while you go through little exercises in first, fifth, etc positions, plies, demi-plies, grand plies, releves, arabesques and the like. I think I took two ballet classes when I was a very young teen and the show choir I did in high school didn't have anything like this.
But you know, I wonder how different our society would be if it gave older athletes the same chances and same recognition as "younger" and supposedly "better" athletes. The older you get the more knowledge and wisdom and all that, right? Well, for a lot of people. But I realized today, that not only do I have brain smarts as an "older" person, but I have BODY smarts, too.
Or maybe I really am just a natural. Because as I was copying the teacher as closely as I could, following along as fast as I could, she praised me several times, saying "You're a natural!!". I think I blushed. And frowned. Although I tried not to. I think I frowned for sure when she said, "You're doing great! You're a natural! It usually takes folks six to eight classes to pick this stuff up!". Fuck society for all the messages that say that we not be pleased with such things!! I was pleased and excited in that sort of massively terrified way to be pointed out as "GOOD", among the crowd.
Afterwards, she came up to me and invited me to stay in this particular class. I thanked her and asked a couple of tips for taking care of my heel which I've been having problems with. We got into a discussion about dance and age. I had mentioned that I had two classes when I was in my early teens and was now thirty-five. She stated that she was in her 50's and started dancing when she was 26. She said that the big dance companies are harder, they tend to cut off at around 35 but that regional and local dance companies have people dancing up to 50s or 60s and that I had plenty of time to go that direction if I desired.
The idea is certainly intriguing. But I do have a long way to go, maybe not so much with technique if I truly do have a "natural" quality to me, but with my poor physicality. All my tendonitis and such. And endurance and strength. But my YMCA fitness trainer is a dancer, I think for one of the Lines companies and she's MY trainer. So, I have a huge benefit that sort of all falls into place.
So, I have to say thank you to So You Think You Can Dance. Because, yes, I think maybe I can dance.
So I walk into the class and all these skinny bitches with fanciful dance "shoe" type thingies including a couple of people in point shoes, are standing there. The teacher notes me as new and asks if I've had any classes before. "No.", I say, pretty true in my adult lifetime. Then she asks if I do any sports or am very physically active. "No." I say, wondering what I'm in for. Isn't this supposed to be an INTRO to dance class? She then tells me she has a class on Sundays that might be more suited to me, (I guess I have reached Weenie status, I'm not sure). I shake my head regretfully because I work on Sundays. She says to give this class a go although it might be fast. Uhm, isn't this an INTRO to dance class??
So it starts out with those old barre exercises, holding onto the barre while you go through little exercises in first, fifth, etc positions, plies, demi-plies, grand plies, releves, arabesques and the like. I think I took two ballet classes when I was a very young teen and the show choir I did in high school didn't have anything like this.
But you know, I wonder how different our society would be if it gave older athletes the same chances and same recognition as "younger" and supposedly "better" athletes. The older you get the more knowledge and wisdom and all that, right? Well, for a lot of people. But I realized today, that not only do I have brain smarts as an "older" person, but I have BODY smarts, too.
Or maybe I really am just a natural. Because as I was copying the teacher as closely as I could, following along as fast as I could, she praised me several times, saying "You're a natural!!". I think I blushed. And frowned. Although I tried not to. I think I frowned for sure when she said, "You're doing great! You're a natural! It usually takes folks six to eight classes to pick this stuff up!". Fuck society for all the messages that say that we not be pleased with such things!! I was pleased and excited in that sort of massively terrified way to be pointed out as "GOOD", among the crowd.
Afterwards, she came up to me and invited me to stay in this particular class. I thanked her and asked a couple of tips for taking care of my heel which I've been having problems with. We got into a discussion about dance and age. I had mentioned that I had two classes when I was in my early teens and was now thirty-five. She stated that she was in her 50's and started dancing when she was 26. She said that the big dance companies are harder, they tend to cut off at around 35 but that regional and local dance companies have people dancing up to 50s or 60s and that I had plenty of time to go that direction if I desired.
The idea is certainly intriguing. But I do have a long way to go, maybe not so much with technique if I truly do have a "natural" quality to me, but with my poor physicality. All my tendonitis and such. And endurance and strength. But my YMCA fitness trainer is a dancer, I think for one of the Lines companies and she's MY trainer. So, I have a huge benefit that sort of all falls into place.
So, I have to say thank you to So You Think You Can Dance. Because, yes, I think maybe I can dance.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Sleep All Day
So naturally, having had no sleep, I came home and crashed, slept almost the entire day. I woke up for a few hours and blearily poked around on the computer.
And then when Marty pulled me into bed at his normal time I had to take an Ambien to be able to go back to sleep. Eeesh.
And then when Marty pulled me into bed at his normal time I had to take an Ambien to be able to go back to sleep. Eeesh.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
NO Sleep
If I got no sleep, I can only be at work!!
We have new clients who need a lot of constant clinical attention and thusly I was doing so. So I ended up doing notes ALL night long and into the next morning... I didn't get any sleep. None. I'm not a happy camper. Well, who would be, really.
We have new clients who need a lot of constant clinical attention and thusly I was doing so. So I ended up doing notes ALL night long and into the next morning... I didn't get any sleep. None. I'm not a happy camper. Well, who would be, really.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Terror on Stage
So, since Marty's female singer didn't show up for their band workshop, I went to the singing band thingie to try it out. I got a cold sore I was that nervous.
I consider myself a fairly good singer... or maybe I should say I have good voice. But on mic, it sounds... ick. Although I've never liked the way I sound on tape. I know it's the difference of hearing yourself through your jaw and externally but... dang. Plus, I've never sang on mic before and I really don't know how to push or not push my voice.
Plus, I need to learn these songs without looking at the lyrics. I guess it's poor form to read from a sheet whilst signing on stage, no?
Just the thought of performing in front of a crowd makes my stomach sink and feel instantly sick. Waaah!!! Maybe I'll eventually get over it.
I consider myself a fairly good singer... or maybe I should say I have good voice. But on mic, it sounds... ick. Although I've never liked the way I sound on tape. I know it's the difference of hearing yourself through your jaw and externally but... dang. Plus, I've never sang on mic before and I really don't know how to push or not push my voice.
Plus, I need to learn these songs without looking at the lyrics. I guess it's poor form to read from a sheet whilst signing on stage, no?
Just the thought of performing in front of a crowd makes my stomach sink and feel instantly sick. Waaah!!! Maybe I'll eventually get over it.
Friday, July 18, 2008
WTF
I too have joined the ranks of WTF.
I love using this in emails and game.
WTF = What the Fuck.
Supervision with my crazy boss and getting satisfactory marks when just last two weeks, I got all unsatisfactory marks. I'm sort of a whatever point.
She told me I seem "happy" and I let her know why, because I've let go of the stress I carry in our relationship (to a very huge degree) and she was all fixed smiles, nodding that I am such a team player and a joy to work with now. WTF??
Oh stuff it up your sandy vagina, bitch.
I love using this in emails and game.
WTF = What the Fuck.
Supervision with my crazy boss and getting satisfactory marks when just last two weeks, I got all unsatisfactory marks. I'm sort of a whatever point.
She told me I seem "happy" and I let her know why, because I've let go of the stress I carry in our relationship (to a very huge degree) and she was all fixed smiles, nodding that I am such a team player and a joy to work with now. WTF??
Oh stuff it up your sandy vagina, bitch.
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