4 Adults, 2 Kids, 3 Parrots and a Heart Wide Open

This morning was visitation to our place by Robin, James, Benjamin, Ariana. We usually (or at least Marty does) go over to their place for a Sunday morning breakfast. This was early however, around 8:30 am and I think I was still half asleep.

Usually Marty and James do the cooking of the foul tofu stir-fry they make each time. Marty does the stir-fry, James does the spicing. It's not foul in of itself. The veggies are always good and the spicing is always good (minus the raisins someone keeps insisting on putting into it, yuck) but rather the gelatinous foul substance of soybean curd. I stopped eating any soy a few years back mostly because I started noticing that I didn't feel well after eating it and some because of reading about the phytoestrogens and what not. So, I sort of pick at the breakfast stir-fry and get the veggies and leave the tofu (and raisins).

I did attempt to make some Turkish coffee with the little ibrik set Marty got me for Christmas. A few things learned from that particular session.... need much finer grind of coffee, it has to be powder and probably needs to sit a little longer to get nice and thick and syrupy. But it worked for the most part to be at least some semblance of coffee.

Then playing with the kids, gentle rough and tumble with Benjamin. You have to be on it to play that way with him, always alert and ready to contain him. He has a tendency to grab your face with his fingers really hard or bite or fling himself whole-bodily on top of you. So I'm always watching, gently grabbing hands before they get to my face, etc. Although at Christmas, after some rough and tumble, I was laying on the floor and he was off with mom, I had my eyes closed and suddenly, wham! he came flying over my knees to land with his, right on my abdomen. I wasn't ready for it but I wasn't mad either, but whew it knocked the breath right out of me.

But this time was just usual tumble and then Ariana decided to join in and we did a fun game of her laying back on my legs, me doing a criss-cross with her legs like a dancer and then rolling her off to the floor. She loved it and started saying "Ready!?" before the move of falling back onto my legs for her yoga moves. Then of course Benjamin wanted in and I could be a little more sudden in my dumping to the floor move which he just howled and giggled about and then they were taking turns. In a way, I love being a furniture game object to kids.

Then everyone left. I guess I had been getting used to people swarming the house so early on MY Sunday morning and then, poof, they left and then Marty was headed out to work.

It was quite strange as I was standing a bit forlornly in the foyer as Marty was gathering his things up to leave and I felt so madly in love/loving towards that I was a bit lost. A heart wide open and he was leaving. Then fear of him dying on the road or something and being in this space... seemed as if I would die. So I made him renew his promise to "never die", per the movie "Team America". And sat, further forlorn, at the top of the stairs, watching him head out for his work.

He got there just fine, but I could see why I don't open up into that space so often. To lose in that space, would be so far more horrendous than not. Too much. And there seems to be something about that feeling that just burns you up, soft and luscious, but like fire from inside out.

I don't wanna and I do wanna.