The Existential Work Crisis. Again.

I practically had a break-down about work today. It was Emily's last day, which is not why I had the break-down, although the known is quite comfortable, of course. She wasn't invited to stay on as relief due to whatever stupid issues my bosses have with her or people in general. It just brought to heart that really, no one is respected or really, even safe. So, if I leave, will I even be considered for relief (should I even care to work for them).

I guess I just realize that it's a sort of soul crushing thing. Not I haven't said this before. Well, I guess I haven't really said that before. Not Soul Crushing, in any case. Horrible, but not an existential thingie. Well, okay, maybe I have. But this feels different. Deeper.

Coming home I wanted Marty to leave Hawthorne House, which had me previously freaking out, but now I was like, "Do it now!!" And so he could get up (in level) so to speak in his practice and I could quit my job. Get a cheap job pulling weeds or some such. Just get out of this soul sucking job and field. I'm so completely, totally done with the whole thing.

Of course, I'll probably be here a while.