Goodbye Truck

Today we took the truck in to the yard.

I drove it to its doom, all the while trying to reassure it (and myself) that its parts would live on in other vehicles and that it could see more of the world. I cried a lot on the way down and had a hard time letting go, especially since it was probably going to get smushed. I was very sad.

Like I said in my previous post, I get weirdly attached to vehicles. I'm not sure why, but perhaps it is genetic because my mom seems to get teary over letting an old car go.

I mean, we spend a good deal of time in our vehicles of choice. We put a good deal of effort and money into our vehicles of choice, not only into the actual purchase of the car, but washing them, cleaning them, feeding them. Even old Grandpa Trucks like Marty's faithful blue pick up truck.

I may have been extra attached to this vehicle because it was my bed for my first Burning Man. Perfect to sleep in out on the Playa. It was perfect. And I loved it. I like cars with character and this truck had it in spades.

While at the yard, I saw another likely faithful car being lifted unceremoniously on a forklift and I got teary again. So not good.

Read Marty's account of our journey with the last day of the truck.

Then we went and hard the car officially cleaned by a place on the corner of Divisadero and Oak, or Fell, I can never remember. It was a serviceable clean but it was not a good Norwegian cleaning. We'll do that later.

Then we drove out to the beach to baptize the car with sea water, since it's sort of going to be a surfer car. Which apparently, it was earlier in its life since later we discovered some Sex Wax (surf board wax) melted around a pocket knife tucked into one of the back holes of the "trunk" area. I think as we understand it, this car has had only one owner. Possibly a surfer. So it has gone to a good family if that was the case!! Onwards, "Zippy"!

Hello Car

So we got a new car today. Well, new to us in any case.

A green Subaru Forester S, 1998 with 94k miles. Salvage Title but had no issues with serious damage.

We got it from a weird lot in Freemont, a strange backwater sort of place in the East Bay. The Bay Area is pretty weird, I think. But only in the best ways.

Weird guy on the lot, banging on his radio to get it to work. Apparently he buys and rebuilds salvage title cars, lots of Subarus. We had been thinking about the Subaru Outback as the car we wanted to get but the one we tried out smelled so awful we were almost sick. Apparently gear oil had been spilled in the back and the guy couldn't get it out of the carpeting. Plus we just didn't like how it drove. So the Forrester is was.

It took FOREVER. Six hours I think. Blearg.

At the end of the day, we were too late to sell the truck but started cleaning it out in any case. I started crying a bit. I always get very attached to cars. I'm not sure why. I've always cried when giving up a car and especially knowing our faithful and hardcore trooper truck was basically going to the junk yard, well, I was a very sad panda.

In any case, read Marty's blog on this event, I'm so behind on my posts, lol.

Sing a Song For Me

Well, I don't have Marty's mad skillz on the whole "make a song up on the spot" but I had some fun times making up songs at work for residents.

Since COC is good at creating this in staff and residents alike, this song I made up in general because everyone was all crazed in chaos today. During the "kiss my butt" part, you have to slap your ass in a convincing manner:

Stress, Stress, Kiss my butt, Kiss my butt

Then a resident wanted me to make up a song for her and I asked her what her main issue is that she is working on (I knew already but wanted to hear it from her). Anxiety! So I created this and sang it for her, teaching it as well. We sang it and danced around at the same time. You have to waggle your finger and make it sound sort of 40s-ish, since she's an older woman. The tune is loosely based on an Ace of Base song:

Anxiety, Anxiety, I know you're no good for me, no good for me, anxiety, no good for me

Another resident asked and wanted it about pain. So, I used the "Rain, rain, go away song":

Pain, pain, go away, don't come again another day

All simple stuff, but fun. We had a good day.

The Antics of C.O.C.

Today's Staff Meeting is brought to you by the letters C.O.C.

C = Cunt
O = On
C = Crack

We witnessed the vaguely amusing antics of C.O.C. while she rolled around in her own shit, spreading it defacto over the walls where we are sitting. By default, we are covered in it, dripping. The Cunt on Crack strikes again, stating we have to do hourly house checks, even throughout the night.

Of course, she states this is "from licensing" and as usual, this may not be the case since it is likely she makes things up to suit her needs. Besides, we run 21-24 hour shifts and asking anyone to stay up over 24 hours probably is quite illegal.

Crazy Bitch. I was pissed but vaguely amused at the same time. All of us were rolling our eyes. Because... whatever, like that's actually going to happen.

PAINLESS

Pretty Agonizing and Irritating Naturally Leading to Excruciating Suffering and Screaming

Yeah.

Got Me a Wetsuit

Memorial Day today. I think. I have never been able to keep Labor Day and Memorial Day straight. Ever. I know the last Burning Man weekend is on one of these weekends but again, I really couldn't tell you which one.

So after getting off work, Marty and I decided to go check the waves out since he didn't have any clients set up for the day. I had bought a Floaty Thingie. Otherwise known as a body or boogie board. Not really wanting to use it as its usual function of a wave riding device. I just don't want to drown.

Since it was a Memorial/Labor Day sale, I decided to get my own wetsuit as well because I had been still renting. After struggling into a couple of suits and accoutrements, I bought a nice O'Neill suit with hood and gloves. Then I slopped out into the water, always amazed at just how nicely my suit was working to keep me warm. When the legs fill up, they seem to billow a little bit, maybe too big although they seem fine out of the water. And they still worked, kept me warm, so I'm not stuffed. If I lose a lot of weight, I'm going to be in trouble, will need a whole new suit. Although I really don't see that happening any time soon, so I'm probably good for a while.

So now just flippers to get my way around on my little board, otherwise I look, as Marty put it, like a monkey on crack, wiggling and wallowing around, slapping my feet ineffectually on the water and basically look like a seizing seal that is going nowhere fast. Heh.

Still Boring

Work is still boring. At least tomorrow is a holiday and I don't have to deal with Her Majesty, another name we call COC.

Fido

Okay, I have to say that Fido was the strangest take on a Zombie film that I have ever seen. I mean, I don't even know if I can describe its crazy weirdness to you.

First off, it's a Canadian Zombie Comedy, so that might give you some idea of where the tone might be going. Set in a sort of 50's genre, zombies have been "controlled" through the use of a collar created by the corporation Zomcom. Zombies now are everything from gardeners to butlers to garbage men. Any sort of menial job is filled by the recently, and not so recently, deceased. A sign of prestige is how many zombie servants one owns.

So the security officer for Zomcom moves in down the street from a family who's dad hates zombies and is mean to his kid. Said security officer has many zombies and the other family's wife is jealous so she gets a zombie for their household. Their son "befriends" the zombie and calls him Fido. Unfortunately, Fido at one point slips his "leash" so to speak and eats one of the neighbors. Much weirdness ensues.

It definitely wasn't your typical zombie movie and definitely seemed to have some snarky social comments. Overall I'd recommend it. Although for a "funny" zombie movie, I definitely recommend Shaun of the Dead.

C.O.C. & Indy

C.O.C. aka Cunt On Crack

In this case, a COC handled well is deflated rather than engorged with control issues spewing false power.

In other words, the plan Marty and I had gone over last night went off very nicely.

I went in, basically handed her a hard copy of the email and told her I was going to send the actual email to her, Camille and CC COC's boss as well.

COC's Response: "You don't have to do that, this hard copy will be in your chart." (never to be seen by COC's boss in that case)
My Response, said in a light, squirrel bright tone: "Oh, I don't mind!"
Her Response: A slight frown with her usually bitter and pinched lips.

I then notify COC that I'll let her boss know ahead of time that the email is coming by giving her a call, just to inform the boss that the email is on its way. Documentation, you see. That's all.

COC's Response: "She's not in her office today." with the pinched lips getting more pinchy-er.
My Response, said again in a slightly vapid, squirrel bright tone: "Oh, I'll leave her a message."
Her Repsonse: A further pinching of the frowning, embittered lips and slight glaring of the beady eyes.

I was just about howling (with laughter) when I got out of the pass-on that morning. I called The Boss and left a message, using all the polite disarming techniques Marty had gone over (I even took notes and memorized them that night).

That was a good morning, I have to say.

Then later, it was off to see the new Indiana Jones movie: Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. As Marty put it... it was a little flaccid. Even though it was jammed packed with action, it all seemed very slow. I heard that Harrison Ford did all his own stunts and well, you can tell. When he jumps from one moving car to another in a wild jungle car chase, you go, "Oh, that had to hurt those old bones." He seemed old. And somehow slow moving. Shia LeBeouf was cute, as always. He's a cute boy. I don't know about him taking over the titular role but he might be able to pull it off when he's a bit older. Overall, decent popcorn movie but... slow and a bit flaccid. Viagra, Indy!!

But This Drama Is, But Not Really

So, I had supervision, as I do every other week, with my crazy bitch boss who just really showed her true psychotic self today.

She was asking me how I was doing with the whole event from the staff meeting yesterday (previous post) and I said I was fine and basically related that I knew how to hold my shit together. I'm a professional, bitch, deal with it. Then she proceeds to tell me that I said something during staff meeting that I didn't say. She said, when it came my turn, that first time, to speak, that I said I was sexual abuse survivor and that I was going to share that with the resident (who had just had sexual trauma).

I think my mouth just sort of fell open at that point and I didn't actually but really wanted to blurt out, "Are you on crack?" or "Are you off your meds?" I was stunned but immediately came back with, "I didn't say that." She stated I had said it. I again stated, this time with the "I'm being firm and won't take shit" voice, "No, I didn't." She then says to me in a sickly sweet condescending and patronizing tone, "Oh wow, you don't even remember saying it." As if I were some dumb PTSD struck twinkie victim blanking out for a portion of my own conversation. But for a fucking millisecond, I thought to myself, "Oh my gods, did I actually say that?" (this is the Black Hole power that is my crazy boss) and quickly reviewed that portion of the staff meeting stored away in my mind. "No, I did not say that. I said that I had experience and training working with trauma survivors."

She continued to push the matter, saying that she had changed the whole rest of the staff meeting to accommodate for this statement. Ahh, so that's what was going on with all the "don't disclose personal stuff to clients and how do you deal with your own triggers and such". I repeated that I didn't say it and I said that I wanted to ask all the staff present, to which she stated did not need to be done. But that we could ask Camille to come in and check in so I "could hear it" from someone else. I assume by this she meant someone that I trusted and didn't already think was an asshole. So Camille is "brought in" and I think I was starting to sweat a bit. Was I wrong? Is Camille going to say the same thing and then I'm fucked?

Camille frowned and raised an eyebrow at me when she came in but I didn't say anything and to her credit, my crazy boss did not lead her in, she just asked, "What did Heather say during staff meeting around Women's Group?" Camille calmly said, "Heather stated she had an insight about Women's Group and that she had experience and training working with survivors." I sat there calmly but wanted to leap up and yell "In your face, bitch!!" My crazy boss repeated what she had "heard" me say and Camille shook her head and repeated what I had said in staff meeting and earlier in this same conversation with my crazy boss. Camille headed back to her own office.

And then, which cinches all the fucked up titles this boss has ever garnered from myself and co-workers, she has the nerve to say, "Well, I hope I didn't hear what I thought I heard." I was like, "Whaa? Bitch, she just told you that you DIDN'T hear what you thought you heard!" but just sort of stared at her disbelieving. No apology, no nothing. Wow, crazy bitch.

I talked later with Marty about it and we decided it was very necessary to write an email up about the whole thing and cc it to my crazy boss's boss. Because staff saying something like that is a huge clinical faux pas and I did not want this to come back and bite me on the ass. So Marty helped me work up some nice disarming techniques to work with Crazy Boss and Boss of Crazy Boss (this is reminding me of Chicken Man and Son of Chicken Man, a sort of in joke I had going on with an ex-boyfriend in the Navy. I'll have to relay the story sometime.)

This Drama Ain't Mine

We had a crazy staff meeting today. Not that our staff meetings aren't usually pretty crazy but this one was extra special. Boss started intimating there was some "story" to be told and that it wasn't good. Camille was in tears a couple of times, Nadine (co-worker) and Larry (another co-worker) looked pretty bummed out. Christian (new co-worker), Laura and I were not in the loop of whatever had happened so we were just sitting there, watching the others and looking at each other, wondering what had happened. Anne kept cranking it up (meaning the emotional scare of this story to come that she was just not unfolding and the phones kept ringing) until I was sure that when she finally came out with it, she was going to say that a resident had committed suicide or killed someone else. When she did finally come out with it, that a female resident had been pressured and even physically pressured to give a male resident oral sex, I was sure the end of the story was going to be that he had raped her. But the female resident managed to get away without this occurring.

Now, don't get me wrong, when these things happen, it is traumatic for most involved. It's traumatic for the "victim", it's traumatic for the "perpetrator" (since he has his own diagnoses and vulnerabilities and is going to be hauled off by the police to jail) and for staff, dealing with the whole thing. But the level of emotion that had been put out, didn't match. And please, don't forget where we work! This sort of thing happens and it doesn't help to have staff get all bent out of shape. Take care of yourself, yes. But ramp it down, lady. A couple of us seemed in agreement, silently, about this.

But silent not for long! Because our stupid cunt boss went around the circle of staff members asking each person how and what they were feeling about the incident. An incredibly inappropriate thing for a boss to do, especially one who is not your clinical supervisor. Lords. So, when it came around to me, I basically shot something off about thinking what to do in Women's Group (one of the groups I run) and that I had experience and training in working with trauma survivors. Crazy cunt boss went on for another hour about how we should not disclose personal stuff to the client and how do we take care of ourselves, etc, again going around the room and if someone was silent, asking them straight out. On and on and I'm sitting there wondering just what the hell is going on and why does this incident need so much attention. Other than the fact that obviously, crazy boss has some history of her own that she is projecting everywhere and onto everyone.

But at the end of the staff meeting, I had come to the definite conclusion:

This drama ain't mine, you can have it.

And when I left, I felt pretty damn good for the rest of the day. I did not take that shit on, no thank you. And thankfully, too. Because I used to get so caught up in this stuff but now I'm learning how to not let the crazy boss burn my furnace too.

LOLCat

Hmm, the phenomenon that is LOLCat......

A while ago, there was this craze called Lolcat, which basically consisted of taking photo of a cat and adding a funny caption to it. That's it. (well, apparently a little bit more to it, read Wiki). But it was huge for a while. The word Kitty became "Kitteh" (pronounced Kit - Teh) for some reason and it's all very cute and funny.

Read the very interesting Wiki article on LolCat. I was quite fascinated by it.

An example below:


That one is rather funny.

A whole bunch of these photos can be found here.

Another Lolcat:

















But the LOL craze is not limited to just cats apparently. You can convert anything into a LOL "Cat". Take this example:



So apparently, one could really use anything.





What a fascinating phenomenon!

Magic Eye

Do you remember the craze that was Magic Eye? Optical illusions, I think these were specifically called stereograms, which could only be seen by relaxing the eyes and looking through, not at, the picture.

Many people would stare and stare and see nothing "inside" the picture. Some would get it right away. The clip from the movie Mallrats comes to mind around this. Where this one guy comes to the mall and stares at a Magic Eye every day but can't get the image. All sorts up people come up and say what it is right away and he alternates between dejection and being pissed.

I was one of those people. I could never seen the image in the Magic Eye. This made me a Sad Panda. And then one day, one of my old MFT supervisors at New Perspectives Center for Counseling gave the trick in person when I was trying to stare one down in the hallway at the Center.


Once I got the trick, I could easily shift into that "vision". I can do it quite quickly and I can even look around "inside" the image without losing it. And once I got it, I couldn't stop looking at any stereogram I could get my... eye on.

I Shot the Sheriff

I was working with a relief worker today who was listening to all sorts of classical and new age stuff. Young guy, interesting guy, in a strange sort of way. So really very young, 22, but just seemed really young.

Anyway, still having irritating times at work. So this song popped into my head in the midst of all that "nice" music he was playing. When I mentioned I had the song running through my head, he was like, "I know that song..." but appeared slightly confused.

Yeah. Go Marley.